Partner haram

Boko Haram: Group tasks Army to partner with EFCC, ICPC to probe certain NGOs On September 22, 2019 12:42 pm In News by Rasheed Sobowale Kindly Share This Story: Humanitarian funding analysis – Nigeria: Boko Haram Insurgency. What is a Partner? By partners we mean groups and non-profit organizations, even individual victims, who we have reason to believe are able to receive humanitarian aid and can be trusted to manage it for the benefit of a defined group of victims, a community, a kin or ethnic ... And strict Islamic laws consider looking at a member of the opposite sex with desire as haram (forbidden), with chaperones often still involved. So how does a young Muslim find a suitable marriage partner? Family and Friends: Family and friends remain one option. The Harren & Partner Group stands for excellence in ship management and customised transportation solutions. For more than 30 years, our core business has been comprehensive ship management. We carefully maintain all H&P managed vessels from our own fleet as well as from third-party shipowners. Our dedicated, personal and expert teams cover all ... Dating outside marriage is haram in Islam, so from now on you should stop looking for love here are there. Have a good intention to start a serious relationship, not a short fling or dating just for fun. Pray for the Best Partner and Right Relationship; As you are in the right track now, you don’t have to worry of being single forever. Mia, a 20-year-old Ethiopian-American college student who has shied away from having sex with her boyfriend of almost a year, can attest to this. 'The idea of dating, to my mom, is basically haram ... Certainly, there are harmful side effects of haram relationship. Though your partner is cheating on you, actually you are the one who becomes the victim. Even the strongest marital relationship can suffer the fear of haram relationship. If your partner is having affair out of wedlock, the strength of your marital life starts going down. Praise be to Allah. Praise be to Allaah. First of all I ask Allaah to guide you and grant you happiness, and I ask Him to increase the numbers of girls like you who are keen to maintain chastity and purity and adhere to the sacred limits of Allaah in their affairs, among the most important of which are emotional relationships that many people take lightly, so they overstep the mark and ... Assalamu Alaykum sister monia,That’s how a guy who loved me so much,today I left him and his last words where u r special to me n will forever be,I love u n I’ll continue to love you Even if you hate me….I had to leave Him because I feel guilty all the time because I’m not sincere to my parents and above all My Lord, I’m striving to be a better person, today as I take my step to ... Eric Phillip Haram passed away unexpectedly due to cardiac arrest on April 27th, 2020 in Mancos, Colorado. Eric was born in Durango, CO June 2, 1967 to loving parents Phillip

Find your Muslim match

2018.03.01 15:33 acceler8td Find your Muslim match

Find your match in a safe, halal environment

2020.09.22 22:41 holographicpyramids2 I don’t think this is the right religion for me.

So me and my beautiful girlfriend have been together for about a year. She’s Muslim. So about half way into our relationship I took my shahada. I began to read the Quran and go to masjid with my partner. I don’t know why but being at the masjid makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t like standing shoulder to shoulder with people (I’m autistic). Anyways I’ve tried befriending people my age at the masjid in efforts to learn more and have some friends. I quickly realized that I’m not like the other guys my age at the masjid. I had nothing to share or express and felt very left out. Once again maybe it’s because I’m autistic.
I’ve also came to this community to talk to you guys about stuff. I talked about my spiritual experiences with ingesting plants and meeting Allah. Which subsequently led me to take my shahada. I’ve learned a lot about life through these experiences of meeting Allah. And that’s where the major problems started. Now I understand that drugs are “haram” but not all drugs are. I got bashed on by y’all. Many people told me to seek medical help or to talk to an Imam. I even surprisingly low key received hate mail from some of you calling me a drug addict with delusions. Oh and the best one yet someone said that I’m cursed by shaitan and I’m doing his bidding for him. HAH that one made me laugh. I even poured my HEART out to the moderator of Muslim over private chat just for him to basically say the same thing as everyone else. Wouldn’t even give me the respect of hearing my story of how I came to Islam. I came here searching for like minded people and all I found out was that I’m once again just a black sheep. So thanks for everything. I shall continue my journey elsewhere. Peace and blessings be upon you .
submitted by holographicpyramids2 to Muslim [link] [comments]

2020.09.22 20:01 Maybelowsmv The traditional role of a Muslimah

[views are not carried out in my own life].
Our parents ideally want the best for us, and it is why as women we require a wali to accompany us to places if we're travelling far and why we require a wali to help us decide on suitable marriage partners. Suitable marriage partners would be ideally chosen for his religious commitment, his kindness and gentleness to women, his trustworthiness, his looks, wealth, status, etc. Granted, once you accept the hand of the man you desire who is approved by your wali, there is lots of things to consider.
One of the most important reasons for why people get married is to have a stable condition to raise children in. Islamically, men are recommended to marry women who are child-bearing. This suggests that it is also desirable for women to get married whilst younger as they will have greater child-bearing capabilities and can increase the size of the Ummah Insha Allah.
It is the role of a Muslimah to beautify herself for her husband. She can do this through the use of good clothing and makeup. This was seen in the practice of the righteous women who wore fine clothes and jewellery at home to look beautiful for their husbands. A mistake a lot of women make is that they prioritise looking beautiful for the sake of other women, for instance, and remain at home looking 'homely'. Additionally, it is not appropriate to beautify yourself for the sake of other men especially when married. So a good practice would be to always dress and look well in the home so that your husband will look at you pleasantly.
Be pleasant in character
Whilst both men and women should be kind, there is a natural emotional role attached to women. To keep your union pleasant and harmonious, consider warmly greeting your partner, engaging in loving physical touch, complimenting your partner, and being comfortable with trusting in his lead and being vulnerable with him. This will present you as more feminine and would help him feel more masculine.
Be patient
Look and address your husband in a positively light. If you see that he is doing something wrong, encourage him to do good by speaking to him gently and rewarding his good behaviour. If you agree with his opinions or actions, show gratefulness. If you disagree, do not argue or express that you are 'better' than him... instead find ways to gently discuss topics and uplift his value.
Additionally, if he desires to fulfil his Islamic right in marrying plural wives, remain patient. I encourage you to read a beautiful poem that highlights the characteristics I have shown within this post so far: kindness, understanding, sympathy, love, beauty, and patience.
The poem
Polygamy, hmm tell me my sister, what is the big deal?
Your husband, my husband can have up to four wives if Allaah may will.
Explain to him why you are stressing, cos it's as though all the responsibilities are on you.
Fast Ramadahn, guard your Salaah, obey your husband and do what you do.
We as women are not like the men. We take our husbands to be our best and closest friend.
But Allah did not create the men like the women.
Take two, three or four so don't blame him sister if he want more.
Why make haram for him that which Allah has made halaal.
If you deny him of this, then have the courage to stand before him looking all wild.
Polygamy is something that is easier said than done. On the brother's part and on the sister's part.
But don't worry about who he loves more in his heart.
This matter is with Allaah, so strive to please your Lord.
Your destination is the Jannah, this dunya is just room and board.
Sister please don't worry yourself with "what are they doing". You continue to do what you do.
Have your stuff planned out, laid out and be beautified for the time that he spends with you.
Yes I understand polygamy can be very hard on the first wife.
And for some of us it cuts worse than the sharpest knife.
But what about your new co-wife? Who don't know your husband like you do.
So, it has to be scary for her too.
Sure, go ahead explain to her how he like his meat cooked.
And she will share with you her favorite cookbook.
Remember you are striving for the Jannah, not only for the love of this man,
If he is your ultimate goal, then my sister you have the wrong game plan.
This deen is good advice and this is mine to you.
Don't worry about what they are doing,
just handle yours when it's time for him to be with you.

submitted by Maybelowsmv to SunnahMuslimMarriage [link] [comments]

2020.09.03 08:15 lazeeye A Grand Unified Theory of Guilt

Adnan and Hae had been in an intimate romantic relationship, which was Adnan’s first sexual relationship.
Hae recently ended the relationship, and was soon in a relationship with someone else. The “someone else” was older, had a nicer car, was of a different race and religion, and his race and religion were the dominant race and dominant religion in the society in which Adnan was an outsider.
Adnan had been overtly possessive of Hae during the relationship.
Adnan had been severely hurt emotionally and psychologically by the breakup.
Adnan had no one within his own family or community with whom he could speak openly about his feelings, because the relationship itself was haram within his religion
The breakup occurred over the Christmas holiday in 1998. When school resumed in early January 1999, word spread quickly at the WHS campus.
Adnan, as the so-called “loser” in the breakup, suffered even greater emotional pain as a result of being so perceived by his classmates.
It is reasonable to assume that Adnan may have experienced suicidal ideation during this incredibly painful period. Anyone who has ever had their heart broken during adolescence knows that it is very painful, and it seems that no one understands. And, Adnan couldn’t talk to anybody about in his family about it.
Adnan eventually wrote the words “I’m going to kill” on the final break up letter that Hae gave him. It is reasonable to assume that, if Adnan had been experiencing suicidal ideation, at some point this metastasized into the idea of killing Hae as well.
(Aside: It is beyond dispute that intimate partner violence is a significant problem among American high schoolers. A study published in JAMA Pediatrics in 2019 revealed that 90% of high schoolers killed by a current or former intimate partner are female, while close to 90% of the perpetrators are male. In sum, many high school boys have murdered the current or ex-girlfriends. For such a thing to happen is, unfortunately, not in the least uncommon. ) (EDIT 2020-09-03: in a comment below, u/DressedUpFinery pointed out correctly that this paragraph is misleading, because it doesn't state the numbers. I am now copying in an excerpt from the abstract of the JAMA article that is pertinent to correct this misleading flaw in my original post:
Of adolescent homicides, 150 (6.9%) were classified as IPH. A total of 135 victims (90%) were female (mean [SD] age, 16.8 [1.3] years). Overall, 102 perpetrators (77.9%) were 18 years and older (mean [SD] age, 20.6 [5.0] years), and 94 (62.7%) were current intimate partners of the victim. Firearms, specifically handguns, were the most common mechanism of injury. Compared with IPHs of young adults aged 19 to 24 years, perpetrators of adolescent victims were younger and less likely to be a current intimate partner. The most common categories of adolescent IPH homicides were broken/desired relationship or jealousy and an altercation followed by reckless firearm behavior and pregnancy related.
The JAMA study is at: It is well worth a read. Whether the numbers are significant is, at least speaking as a layperson, in the eye of the beholder. For the purposes of the study--32 participating states from 2003-2016--I think it is terrible. The kids are not alright)
High school boys are, to put it mildly, not very supportive of each other emotionally. If one of their peer group loses a girlfriend, it is at least as likely to be an occasion of mockery. It is reasonable to assume that Adnan suffered such treatment from male friends and acquaintances at WHS, exacerbating his emotional suffering.
Sometime in the first or second week of January, 1999, Adnan, in conversation with Jay Wilds, expressed thoughts of killing Hae.
On January 12, 1999, Adnan activated a new cell phone. He called Hae three times in fairly rapid succession in the late evening/early morning hours of January 12/January 13. He claims that he just wanted to give her his new cell number, but he was going to see her in first period in less than 8 hours, and could have given it to her then. Something else was behind the three phone calls to Hae.
During first period at WHS, on the morning of 1/13/1999, Adnan asked Hae if she could give him a ride somewhere off campus after school that day. Adnan said that it was to pick up his own car, which was either “in the shop” or “with his brother.” At the time Adnan made this ride request, his car was neither in the shop, nor with his brother, but parked in the WHS parking lot. Nor would Adnan’s car ever be “in the shop” or “with his brother” on 1/13/1999. Later that morning, Adnan entrusted his car and his brand new cell phone to Jay Wilds.
There is no witness who actually saw Hae get in her car and drive away from WHS at the end of the school day. However, her friend Debbie testified consistently that she saw Hae, at about 3:00 p.m. on 1/13/1999, in a “rush” or “hurry” to leave school. It is undisputed that one of Hae’s responsibilities was picking up her younger cousins from their school by approximately 3:15 p.m.
Adnan, despite professing very clear, even vivid, memories of other events on 1/13/1999, claims to have no specific memory of where he was or what he was doing between approximately 2:45 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. that day. He claims only that he never left the WHS campus. He also agrees with the affidavit of his classmate, Asia, that he encountered her in the Storyville public library between approximately 2:20-2:45 p.m. that day. The Storyville library is immediately adjacent to the WHS campus, and in fact is situated on the exit route that Hae would have taken in driving away from campus at around 3:00 p.m.
Adnan had gone to school with many of his WHS classmates since 1st grade. He was a Senior in 1998-1999, which means he had been a fixture on the WHS campus for 3.5 years, and was known by sight to other students and to faculty. He was popular, and an athlete. Nobody recalls having seen him at or near the WHS campus after his alleged parting with Asia at 2:45 p.m.
Hae was murdered by manual strangulation, in her car, somewhere away from the WHS campus, between 3:00 p.m. and 3:30 p.m. on 1/13/1999. The only person known to have tried to gain access to Hae, in her car, off campus, after school, on 1/13/1999, is Adnan Syed, and he told a lie in requesting such access (that he needed to pick up his car in the shop, or at his brother’s).
A 2.5 minute phone call is placed from Adnan’s cell phone to a person whom Adnan alone knew (Nisha) at approximately 3:30 p.m. on 1/13/1999. The call is too long to plausibly be anything other than a conversation. Cell tower data shows that Adnan’s cell phone was not on the WHS campus when this call was made.
The person to whom the call was made, Nisha, says that she received a call from Adnan around this time of day and around the time-frame when Adnan first got his cell phone. (1/13/1999 was the day after Adnan had first activated the cell phone). Nisha says that she also spoke with Adnan’s friend, Jay, on this occasion. Jay says that Adnan called somebody around this time of day on 1/13/1999, and that he, Jay, spoke to her. The only one who denies this is Adnan. Adnan’s supporters claim this was a “butt dial.” By making such a claim, Adnan’s supporters impliedly concede that, if the Nisha Call was anything other than a butt dial, Adnan murdered Hae.
Jay Wilds has stated, consistently, that Adnan told him he, Adnan, murdered Hae.
Jay Wilds has stated, consistently, that Adnan showed him Hae’s corpse in the trunk of a car.
Jay Wilds has stated, consistently, that he helped Adnan throw Hae’s corpse away in Leakin Park during the evening/night of 1/13/1999.
Adnan, despite professing very clear, even vivid, memories of other events on 1/13/1999, claims to have no specific memory of where he was or what he was doing after approximately 6:00 p.m. on 1/13/1999.
Jay’s memories of helping Adnan dispose of Hae’s corpse are corroborated by: (i) cell phone records, that show two calls on Adnan’s cell phone during the time in which, per Jay’s trial testimony, he and Adnan were throwing Hae’s corpse away; (ii) cell tower data, which shows that the two calls pinged a cell tower whose coverage area includes the spot where Hae’s corpse was thrown away; and (iii) Jenn, who testified and maintains that she made one of those two calls, placing Adnan and Jay with each other at that time.
Jenn states consistently that she saw Adnan and Hae together in the evening of 1/13/1999; that Jay told her that Adnan had murdered Hae by strangulation (correct); and that she helped Jay dispose of evidence. Adnan does not have any memory of any events to show that Jenn’s testimony is wrong.
Jay knew where Hae’s car was stashed after the murdecorpse disposal, and led police to the car.
Jay had no motive to murder Hae. If Adnan murdered Hae, it would be yet another in a long, lamentable line of instances where a jilted boyfriend murders his ex. If Jay killed Hae, it would the first time in history, known to me, that one teenage boy murdered another teenage boy’s girlfriend in order to punish the other boy for being too friendly with his own girlfriend.
Hae was not sexually assaulted, reducing to approximately nil the chance that she was murdered by a random serial killer, or rapist who went too far.
Hae was murdered by manual strangulation, indicating that her killer was able to get close enough to wrap hands around her throat, without her suspecting any danger.
Adnan never attempted to contact Hae after 1/13/1999.
Adnan admitted to police on 1/13/1999 that he had asked Hae for a ride after school that day, but said she got tired of waiting. About two weeks later, he claimed he never said that. Since 2014, he claims that he never would have asked Hae for a ride, because of how super-seriously she took her obligation to pick up her cousins. This is a flat-out lie, since Hae routinely gave Adnan rides when they were dating.
In the entire time since Adnan’s story burst on the scene, there has been not one credible scenario of actual innocence provided by even one of his supporters (Adnan himself is no help, since he claims to have no specific memories of the two critical time periods that day, when Hae was murdered and when her corpse was thrown away in Leakin Park).
Jay has never recanted the so-called “spine” of his story.
Jenn has never recanted.
Nobody else has ever come forward, claiming to have seen/been with Adnan between 3:00-3:30 p.m., or after 7:00 p.m., on 1/13/1999, excluding Adnan’s father (who claimed to have been at the Mosque with Adnan that night).
Adnan has never remembered anything about what he was doing between 3:00-4:00 p.m., or after 7:00 p.m. on 1/13/1999.
Jay’s lies and prevarications are entirely typical of, and consistent with, the lies and prevarications told by accomplices to avoid accomplice liability (the same sentence as the underlying crime) and get a better deal for themselves, and none of his lies contradict the spine of his story.
The so-called 2:36 CAGM call timeline is a red herring. It was never in evidence at Adnan’s trial. It was contradicted by Debbie (who saw Hae alive at 3:00 p.m.) and Jay (who claimed getting the call sometime after 3:30 p.m.)
If the truth is otherwise, then Adnan is in the top tenth of a percentile of the unluckiest people ever to have lived.
I know I've left some things out, but this covers enough.
In sum: a jilted adolescent boy, who had his heart broken by a girl he loved, murdered her by manual strangulation, and, fuck-up that he and his accomplice were, he got caught quite readily.
As Pop the bookseller says ruefully to Jimmy Stewart, in Vertigo: “There are many such stories.”
submitted by lazeeye to serialpodcast [link] [comments]

2020.09.01 23:48 Maybelowsmv Muslim men have to be beta by definition and that's okay

A beta would have traits that are attractive in a long term relationship partner which do not increase sexual attractiveness, such as money and willingness to commit. The things a beta would bring to the table include: money, willingness to commit, generosity, showing an interest in and desire for children, trustworthiness, kindness, lack of obvious history of abandonment, etc.
This is in contrast to an alpha who is instinctually sexually attractive. An alpha brings a number of traits to the table too. These include, but are not limited to: status, bias to action/willingness to approach, risk-taking behaviour, pre-selection, and a "I don't give a fuck attitude". He would typically be characterised as good material for hookups or short-term relationships. In cases where he does commit, he'd have to change his personality to include some beta traits to maintain the relationship.
So why do I say Muslim men have to be beta by definition?
For one, pre-marital sex is haram and so is approaching women to seduce them. This makes it impossible for most Muslim men to demonstrate pre-selection. Arguably, some could show it by having multiple wives (though I believe the dynamics would be different there - women generally don't like the idea of having to share resources with other women, but I'll let the argument stand).
For two, the responsibilities of a Muslim husband are essentially beta. This is to ensure longetivity in marriage. Refer to the first paragraph for cross-references.
In conclusion, Muslim men have to be betas and that is okay. Unless you are going to create new definitions for betas and alphas, then you're just going to have accept that a western ideology (the redpill) is not compatible with Islam.


Islamic sources:
"..And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect." (30:21)
"Imam as-Sadiq (a.s) stated: 'Whoever is our friend, expresses his kindness to his spouse more'." 4
"The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: 'The more one becomes faithful the more one expresses kindness to his spouse'." 5
"Imam as-Sadiq (a.s) stated: 'One of the characteristics of the prophets of Allah is that they are all kind towards their wives'," 6
"The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: 'The words of a man who tells his wife, 'I love you truly', should never leave her heart'." 7
submitted by Maybelowsmv to SunnahMuslimMarriage [link] [comments]

2020.08.29 22:33 throwingtinystills Seeking advice on conversion from spiritual agnosticism or atheism to Islam- [crosspost from r/converts]

Crosspost from converts because it doesn’t seem to be a very active sub... TLDR: I’m looking for guidance on how you developed your spirituality and anyone who would be willing to share their journey from agnosticism or atheism to Islam. When I googled this previously all the results I found said that if you doubt there is a god, then you stop being Muslim, period. I’m not sure I will ever be able to begin.
My Background: I am female, 20s, USA. I grew up surrounded by Protestants and Catholics in the southern US, but my own family had no religious beliefs. I did not have a great impression of Christianity for many many years until I met more loving, compassionate Christians in college. All my life they were judgmental, intolerant of LGBTQ individuals, hypocritical, and supported harmful policies in my country. However, I was enrolled in a Baptist preschool and I later learned about and discussed with my mother all sorts of religions and spiritual practices from the time I was 8 or 9 years old. This ranged from world religions to indigenous beliefs, new age spiritual practices, and meditations. I dabbled in pagan spirituality and spells. Reading an English translation of the Bhagavad Gita resonated the most with me. I leaned the most towards pagan and universalist beliefs...that everything was connected in the universe, an energy in all living beings and systems, and that things unfold however they should. I have wanted for many years to develop some type of faith or spiritual practice, especially in my darkest days I wanted something I could feel comforted by and that I could fall back on. Mostly I found trying to align parts of my life with the seasons and cycles of the earth, and also using mala beads to meditate filled some of this hole but there was still something missing. I started attending a Unitarian Universalist church for awhile. As a side note, I used to work closely with a Muslim family and the phrase/meaning of “inshallah” wore off on me and I continued saying it in my own head all the time.
Opening the Door to Islam: Approximately a year ago I met my partner, who is Muslim. When I first met him he was not strict in staying away from haram activities and substances, and I considered him a progressive or liberal Muslim. Very relaxed.
But we both experienced a lot of spiritual development during this past year’s Ramadan. My partner taught me how to do Wudu, I read about Ghusl, and I followed him in prayer during the Fajr and evening prayers. I fasted half of Ramadan. Since Ramadan I have continued to encourage him to say all of his prayers and he really loves that I do this. I encourage us to do Salah together sometimes. I crave and need it. I’m frustrated that I cannot pray alone properly yet.
Because of my experience during Ramadan I feel like I’ve opened a small door to converting to Islam. He never pushes his beliefs on me. He waits for me to ask questions and to ask to be taught things.
Now, “Inshallah”, “Alhamdulillah”, “Mashallah” feel natural but I am shy to say these. I make Dua throughout my day or when I hear certain news. The ritual of cleaning and Salah is something I love. I felt comforted and more peaceful, especially when the fears of the pandemic really escalated. I have always dressed fairly classy and respectful but I have begun naturally seeking out even more modest clothing and feel more comfortable in it...for instance when I go to the grocery store instead of wearing shorts.
”But”... But the biggest thing I am struggling with is having been raised agnostically / atheistically is having or professing a belief in Allah. I realize that some of my actions or words now DO assume the existence of Allah. I pray to and give thanks to him all the time and feel as though someone hears me. I try to be mindful about some teachings regarding patience, anger, language. But I know many of my thoughts or words still do NOT reflect any belief in a Creator. I think I just take comfort in the rituals and I do not feel alienated like I would with Christianity. My partner knows this about me, but I am careful not to express my doubts around him so that I do not chip away at his own faith.
I fantasize about us both being on the same page religiously when we raise kids in the future and of his Arab and Muslim friends seeing me as a good, loving (Muslimah) wife to him. My partner has never expressed a desire or need for me to convert or to wear hijab.
But right now, I cannot imagine myself saying the Shahada. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I have read so much on religions, had a few great in-depth World History classes, and also a philosophy course that had sections of reading and discussion on God and a Creator.
With all of that, the step of declaring my faith feels yards away from me. I am looking for advice. Thank you!
(Seeing the effect the same rhetoric had on my Christian friends growing up, my concerns about accepting a religion or community that condemns LGBTQ individuals, and premarital sex, is another very large but different concern of mine I can bring up in another post.)
submitted by throwingtinystills to islam [link] [comments]

2020.08.28 02:15 throwingtinystills Advice sought from those who converted from spiritual Agnosticism or Atheism - Shahada.

TLDR: I’m looking for guidance on how you developed your spirituality and anyone who would be willing to share their journey from agnosticism or atheism to Islam. When I googled this previously all the results I found said that if you doubt there is a god, then you stop being Muslim, period. I’m not sure I will ever be able to begin.
My Background: I am female, 20s, USA. I grew up surrounded by Protestants and Catholics in the southern US, but my own family had no religious beliefs. I did not have a great impression of Christianity for many many years until I met more loving, compassionate Christians in college. All my life they were judgmental, intolerant of LGBTQ individuals, hypocritical, and supported harmful policies in my country. However, I was enrolled in a Baptist preschool and I later learned about and discussed with my mother all sorts of religions and spiritual practices from the time I was 8 or 9 years old. This ranged from world religions to indigenous beliefs, new age spiritual practices, and meditations. I dabbled in pagan spirituality and spells. Reading an English translation of the Bhagavad Gita resonated the most with me. I leaned the most towards pagan and universalist beliefs...that everything was connected in the universe, an energy in all living beings and systems, and that things unfold however they should. I have wanted for many years to develop some type of faith or spiritual practice, especially in my darkest days I wanted something I could feel comforted by and that I could fall back on. Mostly I found trying to align parts of my life with the seasons and cycles of the earth, and also using mala beads to meditate filled some of this hole but there was still something missing. I started attending a Unitarian Universalist church for awhile. As a side note, I used to work closely with a Muslim family and the phrase/meaning of “inshallah” wore off on me and I continued saying it in my own head all the time.
Opening the Door to Islam: Approximately a year ago I met my partner, who is Muslim. When I first met him he was not strict in staying away from haram activities and substances, and I considered him a progressive or liberal Muslim. Very relaxed.
But we both experienced a lot of spiritual development during this past year’s Ramadan. My partner taught me how to do Wudu, I read about Ghusl, and I followed him in prayer during the Fajr and evening prayers. I fasted half of Ramadan. Since Ramadan I have continued to encourage him to say all of his prayers and he really loves that I do this. I encourage us to do Salah together sometimes. I crave and need it. I’m frustrated that I cannot pray alone properly yet.
Because of my experience during Ramadan I feel like I’ve opened a small door to converting to Islam. He never pushes his beliefs on me. He waits for me to ask questions and to ask to be taught things.
Now, “Inshallah”, “Alhamdulillah”, “Mashallah” feel natural but I am shy to say these. I make Dua throughout my day or when I hear certain news. The ritual of cleaning and Salah is something I love. I felt comforted and more peaceful, especially when the fears of the pandemic really escalated. I have always dressed fairly classy and respectful but I have begun naturally seeking out even more modest clothing and feel more comfortable in it...for instance when I go to the grocery store instead of wearing shorts.
”But”... But the biggest thing I am struggling with is having been raised agnostically / atheistically is having or professing a belief in Allah. I realize that some of my actions or words now DO assume the existence of Allah. I pray to and give thanks to him all the time and feel as though someone hears me. I try to be mindful about some teachings regarding patience, anger, language. But I know many of my thoughts or words still do NOT reflect any belief in a Creator. I think I just take comfort in the rituals and I do not feel alienated like I would with Christianity. My partner knows this about me, but I am careful not to express my doubts around him so that I do not chip away at his own faith.
I fantasize about us both being on the same page religiously when we raise kids in the future and of his Arab and Muslim friends seeing me as a good, loving (Muslimah) wife to him. My partner has never expressed a desire or need for me to convert or to wear hijab.
But right now, I cannot imagine myself saying the Shahada. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I have read so much on religions, had a few great in-depth World History classes, and also a philosophy course that had sections of reading and discussion on God and a Creator.
With all of that, the step of declaring my faith feels yards away from me. I am looking for advice. Thank you!
(Seeing the effect the same rhetoric had on my Christian friends growing up, my concerns about accepting a religion or community that condemns LGBTQ individuals, and premarital sex, is another very large but different concern of mine I can bring up in another post.)
submitted by throwingtinystills to converts [link] [comments]

2020.08.26 01:12 throwwaycounting2 Why do I keep getting Friend/Bro zoned by girls I like.

I(26 M) find it very difficult in escalating things with the women I like. Girls usually respect me a lot (might be because Iam a little bit religious). I know many girls who Iam friends with. But that's the problem when I try to approach any of them for marriage they turn me down saying that they only like me as friend or a brother.
Just recently this girl that I liked sent me a message that she hasn't seen any guy like me. I thought this was a clear signal from her so I asked her if she was interested in marriage. She replied that she considers me only as a Friend and cannot even think of me as a partner. Like why? Am I not a Man?. On the other hand some other people I know who have been in Haram relationships through out their lives have so easy time around girls as they have become masters of flirting and apparently girls like that. They'd be talking to multiple girls at times. In the end they can just marry the one they like the most.
Sometimes I just feel like a jerk for not also going and flirting around with women to have a good time. I regret just being solely concentrated upon My Deen and academics and not focusing on the romantic aspect of my life. Has anyone of you in that place as me. What did you do to get out of the friend zone curse?
submitted by throwwaycounting2 to MuslimMarriage [link] [comments]

2020.08.22 07:35 Tion3023 [EVENT] The Great National Effort - Phase 1

The National Effort Scheme

The National Effort Scheme would be the economic centerpiece of the National Progressive Party. The ten year plan boasted ambitious goals aimed at solving many of the problems plaguing Alkebulan. In a sense, if the National Effort Scheme was successful, then National Progressivism would show itself to be a viable political and economic model.
In an effort to amass support from conservatives in the NPP, Junior Party Member Arthur Nowden presented the National Effort Scheme to the National Assembly. He was backed by Edward Ukaegbu, Junior Party Member and son of President Ukaegbu.
In his presentation, Nowden outlined the following goals;
The Ministry of Transportation will see to the overhaul of transportation in Alkebulan and those in its sphere of influence.
Alkebulan will successfully nationalize areas deemed as being exploited by foreigners. Appropriate compensation will be provided.
Alkebulan will successfully allow the ECO more influence, providing more economic influence to all involved nations.
The Alkebulan Armed Forces will successfully integrate regional forces. The Alkebulan Armed Forces will also firmly establish itself within the West African Defense Force.
Alkebulan will arrange the creation of the African Union Defense Force, as agreed upon by the African Union.
Regional Commissariats must be completely integrated, lowering the risk of instability.
The Ministry of Energy will see to it that Alkebulan is powered by a mix of efficient, clean, and renewable energies within the confines of international law. Power will be available to 100% of the population of Alkebulan and its partners.
The Ministry of Agriculture will see to the expansion of Alkebulan’s agricultural output, allowing it to catch up with population growth.
Alkebulan will organize the creation of a megacity, which will serve as the capital of Alkebulan and the West African Union.
The Ministry of Human Services will see to the eradication of homelessness.
The Ministry of Education will see to the eradication of illiteracy.
Desalinization technology will be used to provide fresh water to Alkebulan and its sphere. Water gained will also be used in massive agricultural superprojects.
Abuja shall undertake a project to revive Lake MegaChad.
The dissolution of tribes and the implementation of a unifying national culture.
Reroute the profits of the Trans-Saharan Pipeline into Alkebulan’s liquid reserves, utilizing it as sovereign wealth funds.


All roads lead to Rome Abuja
The Alkebulan Rail Corporation will undertake what will someday be the foundation of the Nigerian and West African Maglev Railways. Though for now, the Rail Corporation will focus on constructing metropolitan maglev lines in major metropolitan areas throughout the continent.
Port Harcourt
Dar es Salaam
Addis Ababa
Transportation is by far one of the most neglected things an average person might take for granted in the West, especially when it comes down to mundane roads. When looking at Alkebulan and its various regions, Nigeria itself isn’t so bad but the situation in other regions is abysmal.
Alkebulan will pave over 800,000 km of road in the West African Union and West African Union affiliates. Concrete will be used due to its suitability for the weather, its impressive durability, and its cheap cost.
To assist paying for this, Alkebulan will seek a long-term loan from the People’s Republic of China. $10 billion will be paid per year over a course of 5-10 years, or for as long as it takes for the project to be completed. Vast tracts of forest might have to be cut down, or certain areas might have to be partially terraformed to accommodate rough terrain. An additional $200,000,000 will be paid to construct adequate sidewalks, rest stops, street lamps, and various other utilities. An additional $1 billion will be spent on maintenance of current roads and the continental high-speed rail system. $2 billion will be spent paving 25% of unpaved airports in nations mentioned, and the creation of a paved heliport at each airport.


Project Amadioha
The Age of Terror is over, with the last remnants of Boko Haram being swept aside by National Progressivism over a decade ago. Taking advantage of the stability, Alkebulan Energy Corporation will work to vastly improve the amount of energy it currently produces, provide power to all of Alkebulan’s citizens, and provide enough power to fulfill the needs of Alkebulan’s neighbors.
The Alkebulan Energy Corporation will petition the People’s Republic of China to construct 35 power facilities with six 1,000 megawatt (MW) ACPR-1000+ pressurized water reactors. The project would be nowhere near the amount or usage in other continents, but it would be enough to provide for Alkebulan and all of its African allies. The project, seeing a mix of African and Chinese specialists, would produce about 241.5 GWs ( 241,500 MWs). Abuja will once again seek a loan from China, paying $10 billion annually over the course of 3-6 years.
The Alkebulan Energy Corporation will embark on its most ambitious endeavor yet with the creation of a massive concentrated solar power hub. The Amadioha Solar Power Hub will be located west of the Djado Plateau. The region is mostly uninhabited, with the peoples around being small villages inhabited by the Toubou peoples.
The legacy of Project Amadioha will be one of DESERTEC, which the endeavor is primarily inspired by. The size of the massive compound will be 1,210,000 hectares(1.21e+10 square meters). Massive amounts of material will be required, with official numbers being listed in state archives. The project would ultimately provide around 363 GW at the cost of $242 billion. Abuja shall request a loan from China to cut the cost down by half, allowing it to pay things over the course of 10-15 years. Not only will it allow the West African Union and most of Africa the power it needs, but it’ll also provide Alkebulan the means to invest in a long-term terraforming project to transform the Sahara.
And finally, the Alkebulan Energy Corporation will attempt to construct a West African Union powergrid connecting the various largest cities in each state. With centers in Abuja ministering and controlling things, all nations in West Africa will be able to provide power to a large majority of their population. This’ll take anywhere from 2-5 years and cost $10-20 billion usd.
submitted by Tion3023 to worldpowers [link] [comments]

2020.08.21 14:52 SmellyCustard Is it haram to use gregorian days of the week?

Assalamu alaikum. As we know, there is one God and no God but Allah. We know that associating partners with Him is one sin we have heard He does not forgive. In the English language, lots of the days of the week are named after Saxon ‘gods’, such as tiw’s day (tuesday), woden’s day (wednesday), and frige’s day (friday). These words are even capitalised in the language as a sign of respect. I am wondering whether it is permissible to use the gregorian days of the week, or whether it is haram or disliked? If permissible, is it allowed to be capitalised? Please provide facts-based answers instead of opinions - a hadith on this matter would be lovely. Jazakallah khairan.
submitted by SmellyCustard to muslims [link] [comments]

2020.08.06 10:06 SuikaCider [HR] The Vegetarian

Kirk was sitting on the bed when I arrived to his cell, right leg crooked over the left and fingers interlaced in his lap. He didn’t seem imposing, and in fact did not even acknowledge me at first, just sat there staring at whatever point on the wall he’d laid his eyes upon. I wasn’t sure what to make of him. Bony face, empty and unadorned as the room itself. Pronounced clavicles. Tufts of brown hair poked out from the neck of a white tank top, which in turn had been tucked into a pair of orange trousers. Both were too large. An untouched pork roast was laid out on a platter next to him, the slab of meat girthier than his leg.
“We don’t normally do this, you know,” I said.
He turned and looked up at me, moving only his head to do so. Bushy eyebrows, flat nose, drooping earlobes, pointed chin. The corners of his lips curled up just enough to tip the scales and qualify as a smile. For a while he continued sitting there, looking more through me than at me, but then he blinked twice and met my eyes.
“I know.”
I took a step back in spite of myself, feeling like I’d opened the door to a naked stranger. Instead of covering up, though, he acknowledged me and grinned, as if saying don’t worry, this is the locker room, everybody is changing clothes here. He never moved an inch, but the tightness in my gut insisted that we were much too close. I was about to retreat another step when he reached out to pat the mattress beside him. The ring finger on his left hand was missing.
“Take a seat.”
I hesitated for a moment and then edged forward, sitting as far away from Kirk as I could. There were two feet or so between myself and the pork roast. Then him. A few feet further was the far wall of the cell. Its cement bricks were painted a peculiar green, like melted mint ice cream.
“Oh, Peter,” he said, a twinge of disappointment colouring his voice. “I don’t bite.”
I scooched closer, perhaps six inches; just enough to create a space for my left hand. The tips of Kirk’s lips dropped back down and his eyes glazed over again. It happened so quickly, as if an electric current was running through his veins and my little rejection had caused an important switch inside of him to fall out of place. Weight disappeared from the air, I was able to suck in a quick breath and, sighing, realized that the hand I’d planted next to me had been shaking. My eyes wandered to the far wall and settled upon a worn steel sink.
“I heard that you’d requested to eat with me,” I said.
The mention of food seemed to flip whatever switch I’d knocked loose. Kirk leaned over towards his pillow and then turned back to face me, a plate and some silverware in each hand. He placed one set on his side of the pork roast and the other on mine. I couldn’t help but notice the scars on his bicep when he extended his arm to do so. Jagged purple things that stood a half-centimeter tall, as if whatever caused them hadn’t quite been able to take his life and settled for a swathe of skin instead. Just then Kirk looked up, but as his smile grew, he must have misinterpreted the reason for my staring.
“I don’t suppose you like pork, do you?”
“I don’t eat pork,” the words fell out of my mouth, practically a reflex at this point.
“Really?” his eyebrows shot up. “You Muslim?”
“Huh? No. I mean, it’s not just pork. I don’t eat meat at all,” I said, more comfortable now that his focus had shifted off of me. “Back in high school I—”
Kirk interrupted me. “I used to do construction work. Carpentry, to be more specific. Anyhow, sometimes we got lunch at this barbecue joint. But one of the guys was a Muslim—Abdulrahman, I think—and he never came. So I asked him why. He said that pork was considered haram ‘cause it tastes like human flesh.”
“Uhh.. well, in my case, back in high school I dated this girl for a couple years. One day we saw a PETA advertisement on TV; cows getting tazed in a slaughterhouse. She got upset and started bawling—the cows were panicking and wailing, it was really terrible—and the next thing I knew, we were vegetarians. We broke up a few months afterwards, but fifteen years later and here I am, still a vegetarian.”
Kirk let out a whistle.
“It’s not really something I think about anymore, though,” I added. “After you haven’t eaten meat for a while, eventually it stops looking like food to you. Plus, I was already a vegetarian when I began cooking, so I never learned any recipes that needed meat. It’s just a habit, I guess.”
At the word habit, Kirk turned to look at me again. Differently, this time. I’m not sure how to describe the way he looked at me, exactly. Hesitantly, with scrutiny; the face a child makes when they’re rolling a new word around in their mouth and aren’t sure what to make of it. He lifted a hand and ran his fingers through the stubble along his jaw, back and forth from the beginning of his cheekbones to the bottom of his chin. Interested, to say the least, and searching.
“In that case,” he said, “do you want a slice?”
“Erm, no. I’m fine, thank you. ”
“Oh,” he frowned, then put a few slices of pork roast on his own plate. He stabbed one with his fork and then held it up in front of his eyes, squinting as if he were inspecting a dollar bill for signs of forgery. “Kind of boring for a last meal, huh. I heard that people order some pretty crazy stuff, but I just couldn’t think of anything I really wanted to eat,” he cocked his head a little to one side. “When I was a kid I heard about this restaurant in New York that sold gold-leaf plated ice cream sundaes. Always thought I wanted to try that just once before I died. Even just a spoonful. But when it came down to it, I asked for a pork roast. That’s the funny thing about habit, I guess.”
I didn’t respond, and he didn’t press me to. After a while he placed the entire slice of pork into his mouth—a whole slice, and a rather thick one at that—and chewed in silence. Though I’d have cut it into smaller pieces, myself, it was a wholly normal manner of eating. Lips sealed, but struggling to remain so. Cheeks puffed out. His jaw went down, his jaw came back up; slow, rhythmical, intentional. Eventually he lifted his chin a bit and swallowed. A lump formed in his throat and seemed to be stuck there for a second, then disappeared.
“Abdulrahman was wrong, by the way,” he said, bringing a fist to his mouth to suppress a burp, then turned to face me. He looked into my eyes right away this time. “About the pork, I mean.”
There wasn’t vitriol or remorse in Kirk’s words, but there was lightning. People often say they feel a chill race along their spine, or that their hairs stand on edge, but this was nothing like that. A wave of electricity dashed through my body as soon as the word pork made contact with my ears; my forearms clenched, my stomach lurched and my back straightened. All in the span of a tenth of a second. Then, finding nowhere to go, it held me transfixed. Pressure built in my throat and I wanted to breathe so badly, like a leading tone itchs to resolve to its tonic, but I found myself unable to contract my diaphragm. So I sat there, tensed and trembling, until I realized that Kirk wasn’t looking at me anymore. His gaze had returned to the wall—or to the sink, rather, judging by the tilt of his head—and he fell quiet. But the way his fingers slowly flexed and unflexed, clutching his pants so hard the fabric ruffled and then falling lifeless, I could tell that he wanted to say something. Unfortunately, the sink’s basin seemed much too shallow to find the words he was looking for.
“I wasn’t always like this,” he said, finally. “It... happened to me, really. Was just minding my job, you know? You’ve got to, in construction. My dad used to point at the saw after he’d cut a board in half. You see how slick it cut through this here two-by-four? Yeah? He’d say. Like a goddamn knife through butter. And it’ll do the same thing to your finger. Ya hear? We respect our tools, but all it takes is a second. One day a few guys had just finished loading a skip hoist and somebody told a joke. Apparently one of the others—his name was Carlos—thought it was real funny and he cracked up. Really cracked up, could hardly stand straight. Without thinking he laid a hand on the skip hoist to steady himself and so happened to grab the wire rope. It was exposed, somehow. Anyway, they’d been loading it with debris, yeah? Just then the batch they’d sent off discharged, the wire jumped and it ripped three of his fingers straight off. He’s lucky he didn’t lose his whole hand. I was standing twenty feet away, smoking a cigarette on break, and one of the fingers made it all the way to me.” Kirk sighed, long and deep.
“Just plopped there in front of me, fell right out of the sky. I was stunned for a second, but by the time I came to, I had that finger in the ziplock bag with my chips. At first I was worried somebody might see me, but they were preoccupied with Carlos. Understandably. So I wrapped the bag in a few napkins and stuck it under the ice pack in my lunch box, then ran off to help. We got him to the hospital real quick and then the foreman told us to take the rest of the day off. Everybody was shaken, to say the least.” he said. I was scrambling to put pieces together, but thankfully, Kirk didn’t seem too interested in hearing what I had to say. He just kept talking.
“I used that extra couple hours to go to the store and get stuff for a simple marinade. A bit of olive oil and soy sauce. Dijon mustard, ground black pepper and a clove of garlic. Let it sit overnight, then I roasted it with an omelette for breakfast in the morning. There’s not much meat on a finger, unfortunately.” Kirk suddenly glanced up, meeting my wide eyes for a second before looking away. His face was a mix of guilt and embarrassment, as if he was confronting someone who had earlier walked in on him masturbating. “It was nice. A bit chewy, but not in a bad way. I’m not much of a chef, but I remember thinking that it’d have gone better with something more acidic. Maybe a pineapple marinade. Anyhow, nothing like pork. Noth—” He looked up again, stopping mid-sentence upon meeting my eyes. Then he just sat there with his mouth open for a few seconds.
“And that was that for awhile. It was just… a really intense curiosity, and it was harmless, and it was done. The fingers were too fucked up to be reattached, anyway. Now I knew, you know, so that was that. It wasn’t bad, but not so special. Just a piece of meat. Not worth the trouble. That project we were working on ended and I went the next couple years without thinking about it again,” he nodded and bit his lower lip. “Then I took a project upstate. The commute was too far, so after the first day on the job I went to book a room at a nearby motel. Am I scaring you, Peter?”
I stuttered for a few seconds without saying much. His gaze hung much more heavily over me than his words did, so I looked away, to escape his eyes. “It’s unsettling, yes.” I said.
“That it is,” he said. “Anyway, it’s 9:30 at night or so and I pulled into this little motel lot. The worksite was already out of the way as it was, and the motel was in the opposite direction of the city. Real pretty though, at the foot of a mountain trail. I imagine it was for hikers, but this was mid-march and it was still too cold for that. There was nobody in the administrator’s office and, just as I was resigning to a night in the truck, I heard the scream. Not a scream like your kid had done something stupid or something on TV made you jump, either. You don’t know what desperate means till you hear someone scream like that. So I went looking. It didn’t take long, given that there was only light coming from one room and the door was cracked.”
“I stepped into the room to see two people struggling in bed. A woman old enough to be wrinkled but still with a head full of brown hair, her nightshirt half ripped off, and standing on the bed over her a large man. He had on a dirty red t-shirt, a bare ass and a pair of denim shorts around one of his ankles. When I walked in they both stopped and stared at me for a minute, all three of us frozen in place. The man moved first. ‘Get out,’ he said, but I was so shocked I couldn’t move. Then he turned towards the doorway, took a step forward and pointed a finger at me. You. He took another step forward, and when I met his eyes, I understood a bit of what I heard in that woman’s scream. They were hard steps, his penis bouncing from side to side with each one. For some reason my response was to bunch up my shoulders, hands at my side, like I was standing at attention. I couldn’t move from that spot, and maybe he saw my terror, that man started laughing as he walked towards me. Then the tips of my fingers felt the hammer, still hanging off the loop of my jeans.”
“A few steps later he reached out towards me. I don’t know if he meant to push me, or to grab me or to hit me. But when he reached out, suddenly all that desperation exploded into action. I swung out, the hammer connected with the side of his head and he dropped. Like a stone. It was over in a second, much quicker than I actually processed what happened. I stood there staring at him, motionless and bleeding on the floor, then looked up at the woman. She had pushed herself up tight against the bed frame and pulled the blankets up, scrunching them to cover her chest. We met eyes and she began whimpering—Please, don’t hurt me. Over and over again like some mantra. Eventually she lost it and started sobbing and convulsing, shaking the blankets off. Her breasts were pockmarked with cancer spots and bruises and wrinkles, but in that moment, she looked like a vulnerable little girl. Fear does that to people,” he said.
“Anyhow, I just stood there for a few minutes; it was all too surreal. Eventually it dawned on me that I’d just killed someone. The adrenaline and dizziness disappeared, like the image of an old television shrinks to a single point before blinking out into darkness, and I panicked. I hadn’t planned this. I was just doing my job. In that moment my life fell apart to the background music of this woman’s crying. There was no more noise than that, it was practically silent, and it all happened in a mundane hotel room you wouldn’t look twice at, but there was no going back from that day. That stood out to me real clear, like it was a line of text highlighted in a book. Everything had changed now. I didn’t know what to do so I dragged the man’s body outside, put him in my truck bed’s tool box and drove home. It was less of a choice and more of a resignation.”
“I ate him, of course. Started with his penis; deep fried, strewn with parsley. It was chewy, not in a particularly pleasant way, but the testicles were nice. Hard on the outside, crispy, but soft and sticky on the inside. His thighs were memorable, too—salt, pepper, a bit of nutmeg. Some sauteed brussel sprouts on the side. Eventually I finished eating him, but curiosity had only begun eating away at me. The next few years are a blur; I don’t remember how many people I killed. Ten? Fifteen? Maybe more. When I killed the man I was so worried that I’d see my face on the news; every time I heard sirens outside I tensed up, assuming they were for me. That they were coming, and the world knew what I’d done; but the world didn’t know and the police never came. I guess that woman at the motel didn’t paint a picture of me, and even if she did, I’d never ran into issues with the law before. They had no reason to look for me. I was just a normal guy out doing my job. The serial killers you see on TV, you know, I think they wanted the notoriety, like it was some sort of voyeurism. But I tried to stay out of the spotlight, and I guess it helps that I didn’t have a type. I’d get a fat old homeless guy here, a little orphan there. Lots of different ethnicities and sizes and ages. One day I picked up this methed-out prostitute. Straight up told her that I was going to kill her and eat her. That one sticks with me, out of all of them, you know. She didn’t respond, didn’t start frantically yanking on the door handle. Didn’t fight me or panic. Just sighed, closed her eyes and reclined the passenger seat a bit. It was hardly the worst thing the world had thrown her way; I suppose she’d been waiting to die for a long time already. I didn’t enjoy her.”
“I didn’t enjoy much after that, in fact. It was like the printer ran out of ink and started putting out stills that were nothing more than several shades of gray. The passion was gone, the creativity dead. Everybody looked about as appetizing as your dad’s meatloaf—” Kirk glanced at me. “No offence, Peter. I’m sure you’re great. Anyway, I stopped eating. Not just people, either. Everything. The bread in my pantry got moldy, the milk in my fridge went bad, and I started going, too. I lost a lot of weight.” Kirk’s hands reached up, seemingly inadvertently, and traced his clavicle. It stood so far out that I imagined he could wrap his fingers around the bone if he pushed a bit. “It happened real gradually. I’d always wake up early on Sunday mornings to make breakfast. Toss some bacon into the skillet, then when that’s done you use the bacon grease to make fried potatoes. You might as well have a cigarette or two because that takes awhile, fifteen or twenty minutes maybe, and otherwise you’re just standing there stirring. But they’ll be real good and crispy. Try it sometime. After that you can start the toast, then you use the same pan to scramble eggs. Once they set, toss in a bit of cheese, some salt and pepper. I liked to add a bit of paprika, myself. Anyhow, it’s simple, but it’s good.” Kirk wet his lips.
“Or, well, it was good. This prostitute, yeah? I picked her up on a Tuesday evening and we got back to my place at nine in the evening or so. Normally I’d talk to people, get to them a bit, but this woman just sat in the chair and ignored me the entire trip. When we got back I walked over to open her door, and she adjusted her skirt a bit then got out. I walked a bit behind her because I expected her to run, but she didn’t. Just walked to the house and let herself in. So I led her to the bathroom and told her to wait there; I went to the bedroom and took off my clothes, so as not to get blood on them. I took my time, and I thought she’d make an escape while I was gone. Show her colors. The door wasn’t locked, after all. But when I came back she was still there, sitting on the toilet. Didn’t even acknowledge me at first. Eventually she looked over real slowly, like she was bored. And her eyes, they—” Kirk stopped mid-sentence and scrunched up his face. “You’ ever kill anybody before, Peter?”
The question took me aback. “No,” I said. My voice was much shriller than I had expected, almost a whisper. “Never,” I glanced at my watch.
Peter nodded. “Well,” he said, “people look at you in a certain way, just before it happens. It’s an intimate thing. At first they’re shocked, and that quickly turns to fear. The adrenaline kicks in and they struggle for a bit, but before long that wears off and they accept that the ball is in your court. From there, some people start crying. Some people will beg with you, some people scream. Some people just stare at you, like a challenge. Eventually they give up. All of them. From that point on, they look at you in this special way. Like a child looks at their mother, or a pet waits for food. Expectantly, vulnerable, submissive. They’re totally dependent on you now, and they know it, and they know you know it. It’s a real intense thing, real personal; they might never have looked at anybody like that before. Hopeful and hopeless at the same time. It’s like looking right into their soul. You learn a lot about them during those few minutes. And then you kill them.”
“But this lady, she didn’t do anything like that. Just sat there, as if she was bored, like I was wasting her time. I stood there looking at her for a long time, I don’t know how long. I wasn’t sure what to do with her. You can’t dance if your partner doesn’t do their part, you know? Eventually she got up, walked over and took the knife. At this point I’d have let her wave it at me, I just wanted to see something in her. Instead she ran it through her own stomach. Deep. Then she walked over to the bathtub, laid down and died. I was still standing there, and I stood there for a long time, unsure what to make of things. But I never figured out what to do, so instead I left the bathroom and went to bed,” Kirk raised his eyebrows and shook his head slowly from side to side.
“I felt off that entire week. Sunday came, I made breakfast but found I couldn’t eat the bacon. The eggs were fine, and the potatoes, but I had no appetite for the bacon. I ate her liver, instead, but it was off, too. Next went steak and fried chicken, and within a few days, I couldn’t make myself eat any sort of meat. Somehow, after eating so many people, normal meat had just become a bit boring. That’s what I told myself, at least. Like somebody who starts drinking sparkling water instead of soda. It’s just not quite the same. Hard to get excited about. So I became, as you call it, a vegetarian,” Kirk flashed me a smile, but his lips were the only part of his face that moved. It disappeared just as quickly as it came, then he reached up and scratched the back of his head. “I don’t know what happened, really. At first it was just meat, but then other foods followed, too. Within a couple weeks I couldn’t stomach the scrambled eggs or fried potatoes, either. By the time a month had passed I’d completely stopped eating. She was still up there in the bathtub and it was starting to stink. There was a half bath on the first floor, but I hadn’t showered since.”
“Two months in I woke up to hunger pangs. Terrible ones. Oh god, the hunger; it felt like my stomach was being ripped apart. I needed to eat. Something, anything, now. But I hadn’t left the house since that night. There was nothing left. So I—well you know, right?” Kirk glanced at me. “I saw you looking at my arms. I began cutting myself, taking chunks of meat from here and there. Mostly my thighs. Not such big ones; they bled for a bit and then closed up just fine. Unfortunately, it turns out I’m not all that delicious. A few days later I did this,” he held his hand up. “Just went into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and cut it off. There wasn’t as much blood as I expected, but it didn’t stop. Once it started it just kept going, and going, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. So I went to the hospital. The entire world stopped to look at me when I walked into the emergency room, but they hurried me to a room and patched me up just the same. Then they asked what happened, so I told them, and they sent me to inpatient care. Later that day the police found the girl. The therapists there asked me why I did that, so I told them—how this all started with Carlos’ finger, had come full circle and now it was time for me. Or something like that. I was in the hospital for a couple weeks, then was sent to prison to wait until my court case. That whole process took several months, but time wasn’t so important to me during those days. The next thing I knew my sentencing was up around the corner.”
“It hit me when I was getting dressed that morning. I didn’t dress up too much, but I figured that a guy should at least wear a tie to his own sentencing. So I put on a pair of navy blue slacks and a white Oxford; found an old belt, too, then set about doing my tie. Choosing the tie didn’t present much of a dilemma, as I only had one of them—mottled yellow, knitted—but what to do with it was more difficult. Eventually I decided on the Merovingian. It’s quite a difficult knot, so I expected to fail a few times. I fucked it up, of course, and then again. And again. Eight times. It didn’t bother me until I looked in the mirror and, seemingly for the first time, noticed my missing finger. Surely I would have succeeded if I had but one more finger; I threw the tie down and stomped. The Merovingian laughed at me.”
Kirk sighed.
“Not a lot gets by me, you know. But somehow, somewhere along the line, I lost my self. I’d have noticed if it were my dress socks or the change jar. If the stop sign down the street disappeared one day. But my self, it slipped away so quietly, and I was none the wiser. Maybe it was chased off by lust, or maybe my… hunger… consumed it, too. Maybe it went bit by bit, I don’t know. But for whatever reason it struck me that morning when I was trying to put on my damn tie. I was shocked to see that I was missing a finger, and suddenly I began coming back to myself. The fuzziness disappeared and I snapped back into it, only to find that I was missing much more than a finger. I didn’t have a self to come back to anymore. The Merovingian laughed at me.”
There’s nothing you can do,” it said. “It’s inevitable. Even if you stop, even if you know that you’re done, you swear it won’t happen no more, that doesn’t mean it’s gone. Nothing can replace it, that taste. And you know it. Try to move on. Just try. It’s hungry, and it’s powerful, and it’s patient. And once it gets ahold of you, it’ll eat away at you until nothing is left.
Just then two men appeared in the doorway and announced that time was up. Kirk was taken by a guard, and on his way out, without looking back at me, he announced:
“A nail is driven out by another nail, Peter. The Merovingian is coming for you, too. ”
And then he disappeared around the corner.
The warden furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me. “What the fuck was that?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I’ve never talked to the man in my life.”

The warden disappeared and Peter began to cry.
Shortly after, he took a slice of pork.
submitted by SuikaCider to shortstories [link] [comments]

2020.08.05 02:29 gregathon_1 If someone tells you we live in a patriarchy, show them this post.

According to a study done in 2012, men usually receive 63% longer sentencing for the same crime than women do. [1] There are clearly large gender gaps favoring women throughout the sentence length distribution. Another meta-analysis found that it was advantageous for defendants to be physically attractive, female, white, and of high socioeconomic status. [2] Men receive capital punishment 100x as much as women. [3] In a study done by the University of San Fransisco Law, it found that women guilty of capital murder were far less likely to receive the death penalty than men who had done capital murder and that people who killed women were more likely to receive capital punishment than people who killed men. [4]
In the U.K., women are only jailed for serious crimes as the new Justice Secretary revealed in July of 2018. [5] While men get jailed for the most minor offenses, such as smoking weed in their own home (and get large prison sentences), women only get jailed for actually serious crimes such as murder, treason, or robbery. This is not even a new concept, as in the 1800s, whatever crime a woman committed, her husband served time for it. [6] How is this patriarchy? Feminists seem to think that chivalry was misogynistic or sexist against women, but, in reality, it protected and privileged them in almost every way.
Faculty in STEM fields have demonstrated a preference for female applicants over equally qualified male applicants by a factor of 2:1. [7] If women were being pushed away from STEM, how would this be the case?
A paper just published in the British Journal of Psychology led by Steve Stewart-Williams found that people respond to research on sex differences in ways that favor females. In two studies, participants were asked to read a popular science article that was experimentally manipulated to suggest that either men or women have a more desirable quality (for example, men/women are better at drawing or men/women lie less often). Participants evaluated the female-favoring research more favorably than male-favoring research. Specifically, participants found the female-favoring research more important, more plausible, and more well-conducted and found the male-favoring research more offensive, more harmful, more upsetting, and more inherently sexist. This pro-female bias was observed among both male and female participants, and in study two, the researchers replicated the results in a south-east Asian sample. [8]
We have also found that people have a stronger desire to censor science that disfavors women. In this study, participants were asked to read a series of passages from books and to decide whether the text should be censored (for example, whether it should be removed from the library, whether a professor should not be allowed to require it for class). One passage argued that either men or women make better leaders. The results showed that people wanted to censor the book more when it argued that men make better leaders than women than when it argued the opposite. [9]
According to a study done by Developmental Science, on the development of implicit and explicit gender attitudes, found that both sexes are significantly biased towards females over males. “Findings demonstrate that implicit and explicit own-gender preferences emerge early in both boys and girls, but implicit own-gender preferences are stronger in young girls than boys. In addition, female participants’ attitudes remain largely stable over development, whereas male participants’ implicit and explicit attitudes show an age-related shift towards increasing female positivity. Gender attitudes are an anomaly in that social evaluations dissociate from social status, with both male and female participants tending to evaluate female more positively than male.” [10]
A meta-analysis found that women, on average, receive substantially more help than men, and men give more help than they receive. [11] This is backed up by the literally innumerable amount of money spent on female causes. For instance, federal and state money subsidizes more than 15,000 women’s studies courses versus a measly 91 men’s studies courses. In Canada, Canada’s Department of Education helps fund the Canadian equivalent of the National Organization for Women 7 and every Canadian province has a Women’s Directorate (Ontario’s has a staff of fifty-one and a budget of $8 million per year). A Google Scholar search for misogyny yielded 114,000 results, whereas a search for misandry yielded only 2,340. The data is pretty clear: people are vastly more sympathetic toward women and their causes than they are to men.
Boys also receive vastly more corporal punishment than girls (such as getting paddled), along with African-Americans and Hispanics. [12] Why do boys have to receive violent education when women who misbehave and do the exact same offense do not?
Girls earn significantly better grades than boys in the education system unlike what is found in scholastic achievement tests, according to a meta-analysis done by the University of New Brunswick.[13] Another study done by OECD confirmed this very fact: when the teacher does not know that the student is a boy, his grade is put at least ⅓ higher than it already is. [14] This shows a significant bias towards girls in terms of grading since it has nothing to do with scores.
The pressure to be masculine amongst men is also significantly greater than the pressure to feminine amongst girls. The teenage suicide rate amongst gays is 3x as high as the suicide rate amongst lesbians. [15] This implies that effeminate men are more likely to get bullied than women who act more manly. Think about it: if a girl showed up to school or work dressed manly (say with a suit), no one would bat an eye; but, if a boy showed up anywhere with a dress, he would be completely laughed at and made fun of.
Additionally, in family courts, women win 90% of all child custody cases. [16] This is plain and simple misandry (or sexism against men) in the court system, and no one talks about it. There is absolutely no reason why a woman has more of a right to her own child than a man, and to claim otherwise would be discriminatory.
Men also pay 97% of alimony (or financial support to their spouse post-divorce). [17] Men don’t make that much more money than women (considering the wage gap is not that large), and, therefore, should not have to pay that much alimony. Once again, plain and simple misandry.
Men are also exploited as cash machines by other women in relationships. 70% of U.K. women would instantly change their minds about leaving a boring man if he won a lottery jackpot. [18] 78% of US women said a partner with a steady job was the most important trait in a future spouse. [19] 75% of women say that they would have a problem with dating someone who doesn’t have a job, and only 4% of women would go out with an unemployed man. [20] In China, women expect men to provide apartments along with a cash marriage offer in order to have a relationship. [21] Women are seen as sex objects, but men are seen as success and money objects. A man’s success and wealth matter more than his individual character.
In life-threatening situations (such as abandoned ships), women and children are always saved first. [22] When a man and woman fail to protect, the results are always different. For instance, when a male captain failed to control his ship and the resultant oil spill destroyed wildlife, the names Exxon Valdez and Captain Joseph Hazelwood became infamous. Captain Hazelwood was put on trial, fined, and imprisoned. He became the pitiful butt of jokes by Johnny Carson and Jay Leno. His drinking was highlighted. The fact that a sudden schedule change had pushed an exhausted captain and crew back to sea and into a ruined career was ignored. So, what happens when a female captain does that?
When a female air traffic controller failed at her job and the resultant air crash killed thirty-four humans (not wildlife), her colleagues took her to a hotel to shield her from publicity. They spent days comforting her. Instead of being the butt of jokes, she received humor therapy, paid for by taxes. Rather than sue her, the Federal Aviation Administration provided her with a counselor. Instead of publicizing her name, the National Transportation Safety Board cooperated in keeping her identity secret from the public. To this day, her name remains virtually unknown. Headlines in papers from the Los Angeles Times to The New York Times focused on her grief, not the grief of the families of those killed or the ruined lives of those injured, for instance: “Controller Was Stricken by Grief, Tears after Crash.” If this is true, then how would the misogyny theory make sense? We clearly accept female error a lot better than we do male error, so this would point to an entirely different narrative than most feminists push.
Male genital mutilation is also legal, but female genital mutilation is not. While some forms of female genital mutilation are a lot worse than male genital mutilation, both are not O.K. If you look at the procedure of circumcision, it is quite horrible; the baby is screaming and crying as his penis’ foreskin is retracted using a clamp. [23] - Warning: Graphic The fact that male babies should be allowed to get tortured and reduced sexual pleasure should be something eliminated and removed from society if we want to get anywhere towards gender equality.
In terms of domestic violence, 70.7% of domestic violence is female-perpetrated [24]; and according to the CDC, 53.3% percent of men had been the victims of intimate partner violence in the past 12 months. [25] So, the question remains: why are there no domestic violence shelters for men? Even though it is true that a lot of domestic violence against females go unreported, the media still paints domestic violence as a female-only issue when the statistics (of reported cases) shows otherwise.
Every time, women are killed somewhere, in the news headline, it is almost unanimously made clear that, indeed, a woman was killed; but when a man is killed, he is usually referred to as a person., Take for instance, the Chibok schoolgirl kidnappings where hundreds of schoolgirls were kidnapped by a terrorist group called Boko Haram [26]; everyone from Barack and Michelle Obama [27] to the U.K. government [28] denounced the kidnappings as misogynistically intended kidnappings made to take away education from girls. However, almost none of these girls were actually killed; they were put into an arranged marriage with the chance to escape. The boys, on the other hand, were burned and killed; and mind you, they were called “people,” “students,” and “villagers,” not “boys” or “men.” [29], [30], [31], [32], [33], [34], [35] In one of the reports written by AFP, it is said: “A hundred and six people, including an old woman, have been killed by the attackers, suspected to be Boko Haram gunmen…” [36]
According to an Oxfam protection survey, 41% more killings were of men and boys by Boko Haram than of women and girls [37]; the number was even higher amongst adults, with 77% more men killed than women. Whenever girls are killed (or kidnapped), their gender must be mentioned since it has to do with that; but when it’s boys killed, it’s just a group of individuals dead and must never have anything to do with their gender. Studies have confirmed this as well, that female victims (and especially white females) are focused most in the media. [38]
This plays into the concept of “male expendability,” or the idea that in society, female life matters more than male life. In 1998, shortly after the Rwandan genocide, Hillary Clinton gave a speech in El Salvador, saying: “Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat.” [39] This implies that the men who died aren’t really the victims of war; it is women who matter because they are impacted by the death of men, not because the men, in and of themselves, died.
The “male disposability hypothesis” is also backed up by many studies. In 2016, a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science where it found that people would be significantly more willing to sacrifice men than women in times of crisis; they are also more willing to inflict harm upon men rather than women. [40] A study done in Poland (in 2017) found that people were 3 times as likely to deliver severe electric shocks to men when asked by an experimenter to do so than to women. [41] A study done in 2000, found that amongst vehicular homicides, drivers who kill women very often get much higher sentences than drivers who kill men. [42] This is also true in regards to all crimes; according to a study done in 2004, criminals who victimized females received vastly more punishment than those who victimized males. [43] A husband whose wife died is way more likely to commit suicide and be depressed than a wife whose husband died. [44]
It explains why 93% of workplace fatalities are male [45]; men are forced to do dangerous jobs, which gets them killed and society simply doesn’t care. This is confirmed by a study done by the USBLS, which found that the most hazardous jobs (the ones with the highest-death percentage) were almost exclusively male [46], [47]:
99% male
99% male
98% male
98% male
98% male
Coal Mining
97% male
Whereas the least hazardous jobs (ones with the lowest-death percentages) were always almost completely exclusively female [48]:
99% female
97% female
The Jobs Related Almanac ranked 250 jobs from best to worst based on a combination of salary, stress, work environment, outlook, security, and physical demands. 24/25 out of these jobs were 95-100% male-dominated. [49] Military deaths are largely male as well. According to the FAS, in the Korean War, 99.9% of all deaths were male. In the Vietnam War, once again, 99.9% of all deaths were male. During the Persian Gulf War, 95% of all deaths were male. During Panama, 100% of deaths were male. During OEF and OIF, 98% percent of deaths were male. Why is this such a persistent theme?
“I think women are too valuable to be in combat.” - Casper Weinberger, U.S. Secretary of Defense (under Reagan)
“It is not appropriate for women to engage in combat... to be captured or to be shot, as opposed to pushing a button someplace in a missile silo.” - Sandra Day O’Connor, Supreme Court Justice
“If there’s a fire at sea and you have to slam down a hatch to save the ship, you might do it on a man. But on a woman…”
According to the feminist, this must be due to sexism, since women have to stay in the kitchen. I also don’t think, however, that being brutally killed in war is all that much better than being a caretaker due to evolutionary instincts. As all this evidence (including the quotes) shows, it is female life being placed as more valuable than the male life, that is an explanation for this male disposability.
If feminism is about, “aiming to establish and achieve the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes,” then why does it never talk about these issues? Why does it stay silent on the issues that really matter? Why are there no gender studies classes on any of these topics? It’s almost as if the media, politicians, and radicals don’t actually care about the equality of the sexes, but are only looking to drive an oppression narrative to which it can gain political standings off of.
These are serious examples of structural sexism that have long-standing impacts, and all we can ramble about is how it’s harder to pronounce ‘woman’ rather than ‘man?’ Or how insults against a man in English also insult women in some subtle way?
Saying the word ‘policeman’ will discourage little girls and even grown women from becoming police officers, but calling the force of evil that oppresses women after men (patriarchy) and the force of good that will bring gender equality after women (feminism) is completely fine? We can’t carry on this absurdity as a society of claiming structural oppression against women. We have to focus on real issues, and then truly work to achieve some form of gender equality.
This idea that patriarchy exists and male privilege is a harmful myth that helps no one. Men who want to feel guilt for something that they’re not even guilty of in the first place are plain and simple simps. They want to pretend like they share guilt for all female problems.
Response to common feminist myths:
Some feminists may object by pointing out the wage gap, and that women earn less than men (specifically 77 cents to the dollar a man makes). But, the reason is that this merely divides the annual salary of men with women. It does not take into account career professions, where women have statistically been shown to go to careers that pay less and careers where men get paid more vice-versa. [50] For the same job and qualifications, the wage gap is 98 cents to the dollar a man makes. [51] However, this still does not account for the number of hours worked, which men work a lot more of. [52] Also, it has been found that young, single, and childless women earn 17% more than men. [52] Going by feminist standards, we have just proved that we live under a misandrist matriarchy! Asking why male CEOs make more than female CEOs is seriously like asking why female models get paid more than male models. Some women get paid 180 grand to sell feet pics. [53] Seriously, taking one picture a day or week of their own feet and getting paid fortunes. The “pay gap” is something that is really appalling because it displays a lack of basic common sense.
Women have been, evolutionarily speaking, caretakers. [54] In hunter-gatherer societies, women gathered and took care of kids, whereas, men cooperatively hunted. [55] So, they often make career choices that make less money and sometimes, even no money. Women, therefore, naturally thrive under jobs such as nursing or even abstinence of jobs altogether in the pursuit of taking care of offspring. The fact that women tend to choose fewer STEM careers is not the result of cultural prejudice because a study done in countries (where there’s higher national gender equality) found that sex differences in the magnitude of relative academic strengths and pursuit of STEM degrees rose. [56] This isn’t sexism, it’s just basic biology.
But, why do women hold less than 25% of governmental positions in the U.S. nationwide? Why can’t women become leaders like men? Why do men take up the top 1%? The problem with this is that it ignores everything else. Men take up 70% of the homeless [57] and are 2x as likely to be drug-addicted. [58] This takes up about 15% of the population, according to the CDC. [59] So, the fact that men take up the top 1% means absolutely nothing if they also take up the bottom 15%. Also, looking at men in government and saying they have all the power is like looking at women in grocery stores and saying they have all the food. It’s a matter of choice, not adding a gendered prefix next to a suffix.
Plus, most of these congressmen, CEO’s, etc… have wives and children that benefit from the money that they make; the spouses of CEO’s end up inevitably doing less work than the CEO’s themselves. In Japan, overwork resulting in death is called karoshi. So, far, in the past 20 years, sudden deaths amongst executives have gone up by a lot. And, as usual, men in their 40’s take up the vast majority of these deaths. [60]
Another method that feminists use to justify patriarchy is rape culture; men have the privilege of not being raped whereas women do. However, this is just false; men are actually raped way more often than women when accounting for the number of prison rapes (over 900,000 male inmates raped), according to The Guardian and the American Public Health Association. [61], [62]
Feminists will also bring up slut-shaming against women as an example of societal sexism against women; women are slut-shamed for being promiscuous, whereas men can be as promiscuous as they want. But, this is actually completely incorrect. In fact, a study done by George Washington University found that on Facebook, promiscuous males are slut-shamed much more than promiscuous women. [63] And for those that do slut-shame women, a large majority are women themselves. [64]
But, what about sexual harassment? Don’t women get sexually harassed and men don’t have to deal with that? Male privilege! Actually, let’s look at the facts. Since 1988, making a dirty joke, looking at a woman’s short skirt, calling a female employee “honey,” can all be illegal and considered sexual harassment if a woman decides she doesn’t like it and the man has perpetrated the act. [65] In other words, women have the power to imprison men for "sexual harassment" if they do anything that could be interpreted as sexually suggestive. When you actually delve into the politics of sexual harassment, a different image other than the feminist model of misogyny emerges.

Thank you guys for reading!
submitted by gregathon_1 to Egalitarianism [link] [comments]

2020.07.31 11:56 georgioboy On the other side of a haram relationship; don't

I was the Western partner in a relationship with a woman who was not a practicing Muslim, but as she was in a Muslim & Arabic family, was expected to settle with someone her parents chose in an arraigned marriage. She was against the pressure of being forced to marry a Muslim man, was pretty Western, and of course dated me. Things went well for a long time and we were committed to each other, but of course she was getting constant pressure from her parents to settle as she was getting old. I was not introduced to her parents, which I was OK with, as we had discussed me to convert to Islam before an introduction if we were considering marriage in the near future.
Eventually, she decided to end things with me to finally give in and make her parents happy, as she could not deal with being estranged from them if she married a white guy in an otherwise Christian family. 6 months later, she is married.
I don't know what the real point of this is other than to say that it really sucks and is unfair to your partner you are just stringing along. I know it was hard for her as well to end it with me as well as accept her parent's fate for her and become closer to Allah. I see a lot of posts on here about ending haram relationships, how that's a good decision, but on the other side of one that ended, it really should not have started. Don't do that to people who love you. You know what you need to do and don't need to lie and wreck a bunch of hearts before you settle. Keep your heart true. Of course, best of luck to the couple.
submitted by georgioboy to MuslimMarriage [link] [comments]

2020.07.26 00:11 dhdjdjdjjdnjjx It’s impossible

I just can’t do it. I’ve tried, maybe I’ve not done everything I can but I don’t know , I just don’t know. I prepare myself properly and I know tons of tips and tricks but when an intense urge comes on the 5/6 and 7th day I can’t help it. Especially when the temptation is of soft core things and erotic things. They seem extremely attractive to me at the time of the urge but after I feel empty. Once I’ve viewed this erotic stuff for more than 5 minutes, I feel like I’ve basically relapsed so I just continue. The hardcore content isn’t always as appealing and tempting on the later dates but anything slightly sexual become extremely tempting and when I get that urge I forget everything about how to fight pmo. I honestly don’t think I’m going to be able to leave this behind. Deep down I still give it some value. Now that I’ve relapsed and failed my accountability partners myself and Allah, In the back of my mind I’m planning on doing it a few more times today or tomorrow. That’s the binge feeling you get after relapsing. I’m going to end up missing salah as I’m not feeling like I can do ghusl, because I know that I’ll do it again tomorrow and even if not then I’ll do it in a week or so. What a world we live in. There’s no way. And no I’m not blaming it on the world but it’s a big factor. I’d have to isolate myself from everything if I wanted to avoid all triggers. And what demotivates me most is that I’m still in the beginning, once I pass two weeks three weeks and more , the urge will become overwhelming and anything and anything slightly slightly triggering , as simple as a cartoon is likely to set me off. There are many reasons why I want to stop pmo not just because I’ am muslim and it’s haram but because I want to achieve all those benefits such as motivation , focus, confidence, I don’t want to be a munafiq anymore.
I wish I hadn’t started this habit , I still have time to stop this before it destroys my life but I don’t know if I can without any alternative, not saying I want to do haram but why has it been made so hard , how can one not do this filth when everything is triggering.
submitted by dhdjdjdjjdnjjx to MuslimNoFap [link] [comments]

2020.07.25 17:48 elonmuskstan An essay on the role of men and women in a marriage- men as the “protectors” of women, spouses bring garments for one another, and much more (long read!)

Salaam, guys! I’ve seen a lot of posts on the subreddit recently about men being the “leaders” in a marriage and I recently wrote an essay on this topic and marriage in Islam in general! I quote famous Islamic scholars and use their tafsir for my essay and my essay received an A from my professor, who is an Islamic scholar. I also provided sources within the essay and at the end. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to PM or comment!
Also sorry, the essay is pretty long, about nine pages irl lol.
Marriage in Islam, like in many other religions, is a deep and intricate bond between a man and a woman. It is the bedrock of Islamic society and upholding both marriage and family is given the utmost importance in Islam. While marriage is not required in Islam, it is highly encouraged (due to sex outside of marriage being prohibited) and is considered to complete half of one’s “deen” or religion. The Qur’an and hadith (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH) go into great detail about the concept of marriage, the rights one’s spouse has over them (and vice versa), and the responsibilities marriage brings upon both parties. One of these responsibilities falls upon the man as the qawwaamun or “maintainer” of his wife. It is a somewhat controversial topic that I aim to clear up with a deep analysis of certain ayah, or verses of the Qur’an. The marital relations between and a man and woman, however, are much deeper than defined roles. Many verses will be analyzed, but the main surah, or chapter, of the Qur’an that will be discussed in this essay is Chapter Four: An-Nisa, or “The Women.” Commentaries of Muhammad Abdel Haleem (via Understanding the Qur'an: Themes and Style), Sayyid Abul Ala Maududi, Sayyid Qutb, as well as the classical commentaries (via Seyyed Nasr’s The Study Qur’an) will be used when analyzing the Qur’anic verses.
An-Nisa 4:34 Part One
Before I analyze verse 4:34, I just wanted to preface that I will be splitting the verse into three sections and analyzing each section individually. Here is the first part of the verse:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers (qawwaamun) of women because God has given the one more than the other, and because they (men) support them from their means...”
The key term to define here is “qawwaamun.” What does it mean to “maintain” a woman? Abdel Haleem (2012) defines the term as a “stewardship” that the man has over his wife and family. It is not by any means a role with unlimited authority and jurisdiction. Classical scholars (Nasr, 2017), along with Qutb and Maududi take this term further. Classical scholars state that that men are the head of the household and are given more responsibility, due to their attributes. Maududi states that men are superior due to a number of qualities unique to them. Qutb goes further in describing these qualities: “toughness, slow reaction and response, as well as proper thought and reflection before action.” This is in contrast to the qualities that a woman possesses: “tenderness, quick reaction, and an instinctive response to the needs of children, without the need for much deliberation and reflection.”
Unlike Abdel Haleem, Qutb, Maududi, and the classical scholars justify this verse with biological differences between men and women, which in their mind, make the man more suited to be the head of the household. Abdel Haleem (2012) mentions that men have been given this responsibility simply because “some have been given more than others,” a phrase oft repeated in the Qur’an, not because men are in any way superior to women. In the modern day, one may think that if an extra responsibility is assigned to someone, that means they are more competent and worthy. While in some cases that may be true, Islam views men and women as equals. Men and women are partners in Islam and are given the same spiritual and social obligations (Nasr). As the Qur’an states in verse 51:49,
“And of everything We have created pairs...”
Husbands and wives are two halves of one soul and stand on equal ground (Qutb). It is simply that God created them with different attributes—the combining of which leads to peace and harmony within society (Qutb). In fact, Abdel Haleem states that even though the man is the qawwaamun, he should still consult with his wife when making decisions. This stems from the principle of mar’ruf or doing what is honorable and the concept of shura, or working in consultation. The Prophet Muhammad PBUH’s often said “The best among you are those who are best to their family.” (Qutb) Family, of course, also includes the wife, and it would be unfair to her for the man to make every single decision without her consultation. This ayah is often misinterpreted and leads to men becoming dictator-like leaders (Riaz & Abbas, 2013).
The second part of this verse, “because they (men) support them from their means,” refers to the financial obligations that men have over women. Firstly, that men are required to provide for the finances for his wife and family. A hadith of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH states the husband is “To provide her [his wife] with food when you eat, and with clothes when you dress.” (Qutb) Some scholars have stated that this is one of the reasons why men are the maintainers of women and why they are “superior” (Riaz & Abbas, 2013), but this view is not shared by all Islamic scholars. Women are allowed to work (Riaz & Abbas, 2013), but are not required to do so, as that would be an additional responsibility on her besides child-rearing (Qutb). An additional caveat to this is that all of the man’s money is also the wife’s (Qutb). If the wife chooses to work, she has no Islamic obligation to spend her wealth on her husband, household, or children. An early example of a working woman in Islam was the Prophet Muhammad PBUH’s first wife, Khadijah RA, who was a prominent businesswoman at the time.
An additional financial obligation given to men is the dowry. Many people assume it refers to the financial gift the bride’s family give to the groom, however, in Islam that is not the case. The dowry, or mahr, is the gift the man gives to the women at the time of their Islamic wedding ceremony, or nikkah. Another verse from An-Nisa, 4:24, provides more detail:
“Thus, whoever you like among them [women], you shall pay them the dowry decreed for them. You commit no error by mutually agreeing to any adjustments to the dowry.”
This verse establishes that the man must give a dowry to marry a woman and states that the dowry can be negotiated. It is common practice now to give a cash dowry, but during the Prophet Muhammad PBUH’s time it was commonplace to also give jewelry and other valuable gifts as a mahr (Al-Bukhari, 1978). The mahr is not a “price” for the bride, for the gift is given to her and not her parents. The mahr should also be modest, and not extravagant by any means (Al-Bukhari, 1978).
The section affirms that men are the maintainers of women but provides a succinct explanation to dispel any notion of superiority. The next section focuses on the woman’s role in this maintiner-maintainee relationship.
An-Nisa 4:34 Part Two
The second part of verse 4:34 is as follows:
“Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what God would have them guard.”
Obedience. To whom are women to be obedient to? Every scholar, including Abdel Haleem, Qutb, Maududi, and the classical scholars agree that this primarily refers to obedience towards God. No matter what, women must always obey the commands of God over the commands of their husbands, i.e. they should not do something haram (forbidden) because they husband asks them to. Qutb and Maududi, though, go further in saying that this “obedience” extends to husband, while Abdel Haleem just leaves it at God. Qutb states that the sense of obedience to a husband is more alone the lines of “devotion.” This devotion should come from a place of love and affection and should not be forced. Maududi, though, goes as far as to say that if the “...husband orders her not to observe a certain voluntary religious devotion, she must obey him, otherwise her devotion will not be accepted.” In this understanding of the verse, the primary obedience is to God, to fufill the mandatory obligations of Islam, like the five mandatory prayers. However, the secondary obedience, to the husband, trumps voluntary acts in Islam, like the optional prayers.
This verse gives a “good” wife two criteria: 1) they are obedient to God and 2) they protect what needs to be protected. What is it that needs to be protected? First and foremost, chastity (Qutb, Maududi, Abdel Haleem, and Nasr). A woman is not to show anyone but her husband (or a doctor for medical emergencies) her private parts. She is not to sleep with anyone but her husband and is to remain loyal to him. These stipulations, which essentially equate to “don’t cheat,” are prescribed upon men as well (Abdel Haleem).
The second aspect of “protecting” refers to protecting a husband’s property (Nasr, 2017) and secrets (Qutb). While men are gone at work all day, and the wife is home, she is to ensure the house and property are looked after and that nothing happens to valuables, etc. Secrets to be kept, as Qutb mentions, are partially ordained by God—mainly the details of intimacy. One of the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH states, “Among the most evil of people before Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who comes to his wife and has intercourse with her, then he spreads her secrets.” (Al-Bukhari, 1978) As you can see, this prohibition of talking about the on goings of the bedroom is explicitly forbidden by God for both men and women. Other secrets may include other private matters between a husband wife, arguments, and concealing one’s faults. A woman who does the above-mentioned things is righteous and is the opposite of a woman who is disobedient by committing nushuz or rebellion. The actions the man must take for such a disobedient woman are described in the next section.
An-Nisa 4:34 Part Three
The third part of 4:34 is as follows:
“As to those women on whose part you fear disobedience (nushuz) admonish them, next refuse to share their beds, and then spank them, but if they return to obedience seek not against them means of annoyance, for God is Most High, Great (above you all)”
The last part of this verse describes the actions the man, as the maintainer, may take to handle a wife who is disobedient. Abdel Haleem describes a woman in nushuz as one who disobeys God and is not chaste. The classical scholars also classify a woman in nushuz as one who is also disobedient to her husband (Nasr, 2017).
All of the scholars (Abdel Haleem, Qutb, Maududi, and the classical scholars) agree that the disciplinary action the man takes against his wife is in stages. The first stage being to admonish them. This is through a verbal warning or reminder. As Qutb puts it, it is done to avoid a situation or tendency from escalating or “taking root.” If this step does not work, then a boycott of sorts takes place. Most scholars take this as a sexual boycott in bed, but some classical scholars say this can refer to being “aloof” as well (Nasr, 2017). By being aloof, the husband may not talk to his wife or could ignore her. The most drastic step is the last one, where the Qur’an permits the husband to “spank” or “beat” his wife.
Now those terms have certain connotations and are quite charged in modern day usage. However, Islam places certain limits on the man concerning “beating” his wife. As Abdel Haleem and Maududi put it, beating one’s wife is highly discouraged and the Prophet Muhammad PBUH never did it himself. It is only to be done if it will genuinely fix the situation, avoid divorce, and bring the wife onto the right path (Nasr, 2017). If a man truly feels he must strike his wife, he cannot hurt her and he cannot leave a mark on her beauty (Nasr, 2017 & Maududi). In fact, there are narrations in the Islamic literature detailing that “striking” one’s wife is to be done with a miswak, or what we consider a toothbrush.
This may still seem unfair, for numerous women are abused by their husbands under the guise of “disobedience.” (Riaz & Abbas, 2013) However, this sort of severe abuse is ground for divorce (Nasr, 2017) and not tolerated in Islam. The main reason this authority is even given to the man is to provide him with the all the means necessary to avoid divorce (Nasr, 2017) and keep the family intact. Any disagreements, admonishments, boycotts, or beatings are to be kept private (Qutb) from family, friends, and children. These forms of disciplinary action are not done to punish or humiliate the wife (Qutb), but to simply get her on the right, Islamic path. The man must not immediately skip to step three and beat his wife—he must take the smaller actions first (Qutb). He must also make sure the action fits with and is proportionate to the offense (Maududi). Additionally, once the matter is resolved, the husband is to stop any action or boycott against her (Qutb).
An-Nisa 4:35
When an argument cannot be reconciled between just the couple and the qawwaamun is unable to resolve the relationship, the Qur’an prescribes a specific reconciliation process. Surah An-Nisa Verse 4:45 is as follows:
“And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things].”
By having an arbitrator from each family, it lessens the potential bias and allows for people who are more familiar with the couple to help resolve the issue (Qutb). Scholars debate on the amount of “power” arbitrators hold. They are to determine which spouse (of if both spouses) are at fault and to find a solution to their problems (Nasr, 2017). However, there is some debate as to how much pressure arbitrators can use to help resolve the conflict (Nasr, 2017). Either way, it is not allowed to force the couple into any decision or to lead them astray.
Marriage In Islam
The Qur’an and hadith literature list out many rights and responsibilities husbands and wives have towards each other. However, this is not merely a transactional relationship, but in fact a means to get close to God and experience happiness and contentment. Verse 30:21 of Chapter Ar-Rum describes it as follows:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
The classical commentators talked about the significance of this verse at length. One of the most beautiful comments on this verse is that “God has extended His own mercy to them through the love and mercy that they [spouses] manifest toward one another.” (Nasr) In Islam, one of the ninety-nine names of God is Ar-Raheem, “The Most Merciful.” The fact that God compares His own mercy to that of the mercy found within marriage is a testament to the spiritual significance that marriage holds in Islam.
A different translation replaces “He placed between you affection and mercy” with “He placed between you love and compassion.” This is the translation Maududi uses and he states that “love” refers to “sexual love” and that “compassion” refers to the “spiritual relationship that develops in matrimonial life.” Regarding the entire verse, Maududi says that “Allah created a desire and thirst for the sexes to be together and make a home together.” God crafted men and women be mates for one another, in a way in which the attributes of men and women complement each other (Qutb).
In Islam, one of the reasons marriage holds such a high position is because it is the only release for sexual desires, as both masturbation and sex outside of marriage are prohibited (Qur’an, 23:1-7). Verse 2:187 from Chapter Al-Baqarah provides a metaphor for the sexual relationship between spouses:
“They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them...”
We wear clothing because it covers our private parts and protects us from the elements. Similarly, spouses “protect” our private parts by giving us an outlet for sexual release. Spouses also provide us protection and comfort from society- a source of refuge during both good times and bad. As stated earlier, God made men and women in different, but complementary ways, so that their union would bring comfort to one another (Qutb).
Contemporary Issues
Though the Qur’an was revealed 1400 years ago, and numerous scholars have written commentaries on it, misconceptions about many Islamic concepts still remain. The issues of patriarchy and partner violence are not unique to Islamic societies but are prevalent in the west as well. However, what is unfortunate is that many muslim men use the aforementioned verses to abuse their wives, not taking into account the intricacies and nuances of the verses. In many rural areas of muslim-majority countries, women are genuinely led to believe that they are inferior to their husbands and must suffer through any and all abuse (Riaz & Abbas). It is not that Islam is patriarchal, but rather the men who maintain a patriarchal mindset when reading the Qur’an. The Prophet Muhammad PBUH was kind and gentle towards his wives. There are numerous hadith of him doing household chores, feeding his wives with his own hands, kissing his wives, and playing games with his wives (Al-Bukhari, 1978). Not to mention, as I stated earlier, there are no narrations of him ever laying a hand on any of his wives.
Qawwaamun undoubtedly refers to men being the maintainers of women. It is a responsibility that God has ordained upon them, not because they are superior, but because God gave both men and women certain familial roles. While men are in charge of household finances, that does not mean women cannot work. While men are in charge of ensuring the family (including his wife) are obedient to God, that does not give them the right to abuse their position. Men and women are two halves of one soul, garments to protect each other. To say that one was above the other completely disregards the sanctity and spirituality Islam has placed upon marriage.
References A., A. H. M. (2012). Understanding the Quran: themes and style. London: I.B. Tauris.
Al-Bukhari, M. (1978). Sahih al-Bukhari. Dar Ul-Hadith. (Sayyid Abul Ala Maududi)
Nasr, S. H. (2017). The study Quran: a new translation and commentary. New York, NY: HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. (Sayyid Qutb)
Riaz, S., & Abbas, M. Z. (2013). Diversity of interpretations regarding Qawwam in Islamic thought with special reference to Surah An-Nisa. Pakistan Journal of Islamic Research, 7.
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2020.07.21 17:05 SabatonBabylon The HEL Jumper [Chapter 3.21]

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With little else on his plate, Russell Winters took his time walking through the corridors and facilities of the Event Horizon. More than a few curious civilians who weren’t aware of his identity nodded or waved his way, surprised to see a new face after so long aboard. He returned the greetings briefly but carried on towards the rear of the ship, his confident stride impressing upon those he met that he had somewhere to go and something to do. The reality wasn’t quite that demanding, but it allowed him to avoid any sort of prolonged discussion, or any discussion beyond a simple nod of his head or a single word to acknowledge a passerby. Deep down he couldn’t help but feel adrift or alone. For the first time since he’d lost the Lancer not even Io was around to chat. That wasn’t exactly true, of course, but she was with Veera and Asha, and he did not want to be seen conversing with the ceiling.
So instead he continued through mostly empty corridors, lightly used thanks to the marvel that was the tube system and the fact that most everyone was at their job or station given the hour of the day. The midpoint of the ship was actually quite easy to spot, with the gently sloping, white hallways of the civilian half giving way to defined edges and metallic gray of the military. When those long stretches of metal and polymer began to blend together, the novelty of the ship itself having long worn off, the Jumper fell into reflection as so many humans do in times of solitude. Given his conversation with Natori earlier in the day, it was perhaps natural that his thoughts eventually turned to Jess and the others. Emotions once raw and crippling felt muted and distant, the passive mask on his face only giving way when he cursed and chastised himself, upset that he couldn’t remember Jess’ face as clearly as he wanted to. With his personal effects also blown to smithereens, it would be many more months until he could see her again the way he wanted to, smiling and clothed like a civilian in photographs saved on his personal devices back home. He resolved not to get upset at Kaczynski if the Admiral chose to do something involving the stock photographs taken of every member of the HEL for just such an occasion, the ones with forced smiles, uniforms, and flags in the background. Finding himself in yet another empty corridor, save a passing maintenance bot, he felt comfortable muttering a quiet thank you to Veera, recalling the first time she’d told him about her parents and the ‘dull ache’ that their passing had left behind. He thought he understood better what she meant by calling it a scar that never truly faded.
After half an hour or so, which consisted of a couple stops to check his location within the orbiting behemoth that was the Event Horizon, Russell finally arrived at a familiar junction, the area just outside the armory proper where he’d ‘introduced himself’ to Lipper’s squad. Finding the place to be blessedly quiet and devoid of cocky, bombastic Jumpers, Russell walked through the automatic doors, nodding his head as weapons and munitions of all types greeted him. All were locked and stowed according to HEL protocol, of course, so he didn’t exactly have free reign to try out what looked to be the newest version of humanity’s shoulder-fired rocket launcher. Instead, he nodded approvingly at what appeared to be remote detonated airburst shells before moving along the line towards a shooting range style storefront and workshop built into the back of the armory. Russell didn't bother trying to hide his surprise when he recognized the graying Persian man behind the counter.
The well built master at arms glanced up from a book he was reading, real paper and ink, to furrow his brow at the young man. “Two weeks. I was wondering if you were going to stop in and say hello. Didn’t think Marshall Winters’ son was that ungrateful. I assume those two weapons I received this morning are yours then?” he asked, placing his bookmark and slowly unlocking the door to his range. Despite Winters’ slight height advantage, Darius had some choice words for him as the two men stood face to face. “Next time you decide to pick fights in my neck of the woods, the sparring room is right over there,” he growled, pointing over his shoulder to another, nondescript door in the gray wall of the armory.
“I finished that one, Darius. Didn’t start it,” Winters insisted, standing his ground.
“You’ll forgive me if I don’t take that one at face value, Rusty. My memory isn’t gone yet and I seem to recall more than a handful of brawls that ended up in the ring after you started em.”
“Yeah well, you can ask my wife about this one. Don’t worry, sounds like they’re back in action already.”
Darius cocked his dark eyebrows at Winters, sizing him up. “Now you wouldn’t joke around with a well armed old man, would you?”
“Oh shut it, Darius. You don’t look a day over fifty.”
“That’s cause I am fifty you little punk, now what’s all this about you getting hitched?” the stocky man demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and threatening the seams of his shirt sleeves. Russell couldn’t help but smile. Darius always seemed to run a size too small, but he had the musculature to pull it off.
“Married planetside, one of the local women. They’re very intelligent, just a bit behind on the tech curve.”
“Hah! Not intelligent enough to avoid you, kid. Ah, it’s funny,” Darius sighed regretfully. “I always assumed that when everything was said and done you and that plucky little captain would shack up together after seeing a bit of the galaxy. Guess fate had other ideas.” When the grizzled armorer looked close and saw not just sorrow, but guilt on Russell’s face, he pressed the issue. “Ah damn, don’t tell me?”
“Yeah, best I don’t tell you,” the Jumper agreed. Darius extended his hand and the two of them shook.
“I’m glad you got off that ship alive, kid. Like I said, fate had other ideas. Shame about Jessica and the others. To think I’d hear about your damn wedding before your pops and mother? C’mon, there’s only one thing to do at a time like this.”
With a shrug, Winters followed the man who’d armed and equipped him during basic training and beyond through the door to his inner sanctum of sorts. “Looks just like back on Earth, Darius. How’d you end up here?”
“Not complicated, Rusty. The Admiral offered me a promotion and a pay raise,” Darius offered, heaving a standard small arms container onto the shelf and unlocking the clasps. “And before you accuse me of betraying Delta or Omega or whatever other nonsense you might be thinking, Beta holds all the patents and Natori knows what to do with them.”
“Hey, he came all this way to get me. I’m not complaining… except for the fact that he almost got my sister and everyone else aboard killed,” Russell groused, his words stopping Darius mid-motion as the master at arms unveiled the Jumper’s rifle and pistol.
“I’m still alive, which means I don’t want to know, kid. Now, where the hell is your sword and shield?” he wondered, taking a critical look at the rifle first.
“The locals have whetstones and the like. No problems there,” Russell reported.
“I don’t care if the locals have self-churning ice cream, soldier. You have access to an armory now. I expect you to properly care for your weapons,” Darius ordered in no uncertain tones, reminding Russell very much of his own father. He didn’t think it a coincidence. Most senior individuals in the HEL’s military branches knew one another.
“Then by all means, master. Proceed,” Russell chuckled at Darius’ new title. The weaponsmith did just that.
“Says the First Lieutenant? Congratulations, by the way. Pistol looks fine, I’ll admit. We use a newer model but it’s chambered in the same caliber. Hang onto this one,” Darius advised. Russell showed him a picture on his B-MASS. He knew he looked a bit silly walking around with just one gauntlet, but he hated the idea of downgrading to other portable technology when he was so familiar with his own.
“Given what that thing’s killed, you bet your ass I will.”
Darius carefully placed the handgun on the countertop, meaning to give it a full cleaning anyway. “Kid, what the hell is that?”
“One hell of a story.”
“Oh fine, keep your damn secrets,” the Persian scoffed, bending over to examine Russell’s rifle closely. A golden chain with the Persian lion, sword and all, hung from his neck. “What was the last time you fired this thing, Rusty? Sight is misaligned.”
“My wife was the last one to use that weapon. Had to adjust it for her.”
“The hell happened down there?” Darius wondered quietly, shaking his head and moving on to the chamber. After a brief visual inspection he left it with its partner and reached for a small wooden case on the lowest shelf next to boxes of ammunition, earplugs, and eye protection. He opened it and withdrew two glasses, each of which featured the Persian Sun and Lion, as well as the Goddess Anahita around the sides. Nestled between an additional two glasses were multiple bottles of whiskey from Japan, India, Scotland, and the United States.
“Drinking on the range?” Russell wondered sarcastically.
“Did you leave ammunition in the chambers?” Darius asked flippantly, already knowing the answer as he poured a small taste from Japan first, flicking a couple drops of water into his own from a nearby water bottle. “No, didn’t think so; cause you aren’t an idiot like Rex was his first day. Now that we’ve established the guns won’t self-animate and kill us, we’re drinking.”
“I’m not complaining but isn’t that, you know, haram or something?” Russell asked, accepting the glass with thanks. Darius took a smell of the amber liquid in his glass before furrowing his brows at the young Jumper.
“How long have you known me, Rusty?”
“Geez… I guess I’m twenty five now so call it seven years on and off?”
“And in those seven years, how many times a day have you seen me kneeling on a rug facing East?”
Russell bobbed his head back and forth to acknowledge the point, taking a smell of his own. The scent was utterly divine, smooth, powerful, and pure. “Guess none?”
“That’s because I’m Zoroastrian. One day, god or gods willing, whichever you prefer, the fatherland will return to its true roots. Until then, we must drink to something else. To Jessica and the other honored dead, may they be at peace.” Darius and Russell clinked glasses before partaking. The former downed his like it was nothing, while the Jumper savored the taste of alcohol for the first time in almost a year. He kept it on his palate a bit too long and began coughing as he swallowed. Darius’ laughed loudly, his voice carrying down the silent firing range and back.
“What’s wrong, kid? Out of practice?”
“You could say that,” Russell agreed, handing back his glass. “No alcohol on Mara. No dairy or fruit either.”
“What an awful place,” the master at arms declared immediately, rinsing their glasses quickly before chucking the wastewater over his shoulder and onto the nearest firing line. “We must remedy that immediately. Do they have grain?”
“Darius, we don’t even know if they can process alcohol yet,” Russell explained as the older man prepared a second toast, this one from the US.
“Bah, I’m sure the scientists aboard all think they’re doing more important things. Been hearing talk of aliens aboard the ship more and more, suppose that wife of yours is one of them. On that subject,” he handed Russell his glass back, this time containing a hearty helping of booze. “To your wife, her health, and your marriage.”
“To Veera then,” Russell agreed, taking his time with that one. Darius nodded and sat in his chair, leaning back while his guest leaned against the countertop of his ‘sanctuary’.
“That her name? Not bad. To Veera then. How’d you two meet?”
“Almost flattened her farm with my pod,” Witners related with a small smile, remembering the scrawny young Cauthan who’d introduced him to Mara.
“You got anywhere to be?” Darius wondered.
“Me? Nah. Veera’s up with a couple of her people in the civilian hospital, good friends of ours. One is due in a couple months so she’s getting an ultrasound. As you might imagine, the husband is the only man allowed.”
“Well damn, is that right? I’ll be. In that case, in accordance with great Persian traditions, you owe me a bit of a story, Rusty.”
“Is that really a tradition?” he asked critically.
“I shared my booze with you, damnit. Tell me how you got hitched.” Both men laughed loudly, feeling the pleasant burn of whiskey in their throats and its warmth in their stomachs. Winters took a moment to consider the past, glancing upward as he thought.
“Well, I guess it starts right about when they almost flogged her on my account.”
“You idiot.”
“Judging by the clowns on this ship, all Jumpers are idiots, Darius.”
“We’ll talk about them later, now spill.”
“Stevie! Did you miss me?” Rex shouted the moment their shuttle touched down, jumping out of the open hull door and striding confidently over to the now quite established base camp. The facility consisted of a prefabricated living space for about half a dozen scientists at any given time, which sat next to various tents that covered gear and assorted supplies. The tiny compound was protected by two auto-turrets with a connection to the bridge of the Event Horizon, but nothing had disturbed the camp since the arrival of Beta division personnel. Rex parted the handful of scientists going about their work easily, making his way to the covered cage that contained Steve the aquila. The little bat-like alien had its wing properly bandaged, and it looked up as the daylight penetrated its sanctuary. It did not seem pleased. “Okay okay, didn’t mean to startle you. Just wanted to say hi. I’ll feed you tonight when you’re awake. Gotta see if any of these smart people have some bugs for you.”
While Rex went about his business and Orlova dealt with the shuttle, Corporal Mendes spoke with the lead researcher. Natori had called on ahead, conveying to both teams the suggestion from Io and Winters, specifically that the anomaly in the first hallway be examined. After a short conversation, Mendes shook hands with the researcher and notified his team that the scientists would be ‘spectating’ the expedition. After collecting Rex, he rejoined Orlova and Lipper, who had remained with the shuttle near the entrance to the Forge.
“We all set then… sir?” Lipper wondered as they pulled their helmets on and made their final comms checks. Orlova looked purposefully at Mendes, but he seemed content to chalk the pause up to lack of familiarity with the new command structure.
“Yes. Per the Admiral’s order’s we’re heading inside and looking for something akin to a large metallic skeleton. He said we’d recognize it due to radiation leaks from what is assumed to be a core of some sort.”
“Yo that’s sick let’s fucking go!” Rex shouted, grabbing his hammer off his back and practically bouncing off towards the Forge’s entrance.
“Private Rex!” Mendes bade him halt, the burly Jumper turning his skull-adorned helmet back towards them.
“Wait for your squad, Private,” the Brazilian replied coolly as they all caught up with him. “And take point.”
“Heh, yes sir!” Rex agreed, charging forward and promptly going down on account of the rather sizable piles of aquila droppings at the mouth of the Forge. While Mendes could hardly fault his exuberance, he was forced to scold him as he rushed forward and took a knee to cover the surprised soldier.
“Maybe watch your step, Rex. Last thing we need is your big ass triggering any traps left in here,” Mendes advised.
“Well said, sir. Nice paint job, Rex,” Lipper added.
“Oh shut up, Lipp. By the way, your axe looks stupid as hell,” Rex declared as Mendes and Lipper helped him up and he did his best to wipe some of the fresher aquila crap off his backside.
“Uh, what? You hit your head too?”
“Last time you were here you said my hammer looked ridiculous. Well your axe is just as ridiculous,” Rex insisted.
“I am surrounded by boys,” Natalya insisted, walking proudly past them and into the facility. “You know the science teams are watching everything, right?”
“That’s where the hammer comes in!” Rex assured her with a laugh, having more than shaken off his momentary stumble. And so with the first ‘pitfall’ of the Forge conquered, the four soldiers proceeded slowly into the cavernous vault that formed the Forge’s entryway, the path sloping down ever so gently before them. “Mother of God. How big is this thing?”
“Big,” Mendes replied simply, pulling up the seismic imaging model of the installation on his armor’s B-MASS so they could all have a look. A small red dot marked their position at the entrance.”
“We have an estimate for the location of this anomaly?” Lipper asked. Mendes shook his head.
“Nothing definite, but according to information provided by the Lieutenant it should be the first thing we come across.”
“I hope that bastard took a shit dip too,” Rex muttered as they carried on.
“Stow it, Rex,” Mendes ordered. “You can bitch about getting your ass kicked when we aren’t in the middle of an alien installation.”
The Lance Corporal’s words seemed to finally get the point across that they were truly within the belly of the beast, the unknown. No longer was it an unremarkable grassy knoll where some aquila nested. Now it was an expansive chamber of darkness that was deep enough to swallow the light from their armor. Mendes radioed the base station. “Surface team, I’m going to request you keep this channel clear until further notice. We will radio in the event we need an expert opinion. Lance Corporal Mendes out.”
“Mmm, good,” Natalya agreed on the private channel shared between their suits. “Now let us move.”
The four Jumpers moved slowly and deliberately through the structure, promptly sheathing their melee weapons in favor of their rifles. The extra lights were welcome as the glow of Seil grew fainter and fainter behind them as they walked. Per the descriptions left by Winters they did notice a faint red glow far in the distance along their direction of travel, but that was the only anomaly. “Damn, this place is something else,” Lipper muttered, his senses torn between the boredom of black and gray metal on the one hand and the gnawing threat of the unknown on the other.
“Corporal, I think we have contact,” Rex suddenly called after about ten minutes of travel. All four Jumpers pointed their weapons forward, the light illuminating a tangled mess of metal that stood in their way.
“Detecting higher than expected levels of background alpha radiation,” Natalya added, consulting her B-MASS as they drew closer to the construct. “This must be what the First Lieutenant mentioned. Looks like a poor attempt at impersonating M. C. Escher.”
“Corporal Mendes to surface team, you getting this?” Mendes demanded, sighing as only dead air greeted him. “Damnit. We’re on our own. Start recording, everyone.”
“Yes sir,” Lipper replied, taking a step forward and kneeling next to the object. “I suppose we should have expected that much. We’re going to have our work cut out for us getting cables in here.”
“That’s what they pay us for. I seem to recall you and Rex getting into a bit of trouble on account of your cabin fever,” Mendes replied, prompting Lipper to glance over his shoulder.
“If we could not speak about that again, Lance Corporal, I’d appreciate it.”
“Noted, Private. That the core?”
“Sure as hell looks like it,” Lipper said, reaching deep into the mess of pointed metal and running his hand along the cylindrical object. “Now I’m no Alice Winters, but I’ll bet my useless sergeant’s bars that this is alien script.” True to Lipper’s word, when they all gathered around they could see scratched and faded symbols. “Feeling it yet, Rex?”
“Fuck you, Tom. Don’t tell me you aren’t freaking out too,” Rex shot back, his voice tense.
“Seems the natural reaction,” Lipper agreed as they fanned out and did their best to record the object from every angle using what light was available to them and their helmets’ video recording capabilities. “So the Lieutenant described this thing as a skeleton, and I guess I can see that but where the hell is the head. This looks like a twisted ribcage. A big fucking ribcage, mind you, but still just a ribcage.”
“Perhaps those have something to do with it?” Natalya suggested, having located the various discolorations and markings on the walls and floor that seemed to indicate some sort of conflict or struggle.
“Hard to say,” Mendes opined, staring further into the facility. Part of him wanted desperately to proceed further, to see what Lieutenant Winters had seen months before, to see if anything could be gleaned from further within the strange installation. Orders were orders, however, and he had no intention of improvising on his first mission as commanding officer. “But no matter what else is in here, I think this is where we should start. Let’s get this thing scanned and get as many visuals as we can for the teams back up top. Then we’ll figure out how or if we should move it.”
“Can I ask a question?” Rex wondered, not waiting for permission. “What sort of idiot stuffs a nuclear reactor into their ribcage?” In spite of the situation, the team found themselves chuckling quietly. Lipper answered.
“Assuming we aren’t all incredibly wrong, which we damn well could be, something a hell of a lot larger than you, Rex.”
When Mendes’ team returned to the surface after about two hours below ground, they found the majority of the science team waiting nervously for them at the mouth of the Forge. The lead of the expedition was on the line with Admiral Kaczynsky when Mendes’ suit regained connection to the Event Horizon’s network.
“Ah, it seems we worry too much!” he declared. “Lance Corporal Mendes, your report?”
“Yes sir. No casualties or difficulties minus Rex slipping in a pile of alien bat shit, sir.” Unseen by Mendes, Natori found himself attempting to keep a straight face on his bridge and not chuckle like a teenager.
“Given how quickly we lost contact with your team after you entered the facility, it is no small relief to hear that, Rodrigo. Did you find the anomaly mentioned in the mission report?”
“Yes sir, it was exactly as the Lieutenant described, including the cracked, radioactive core. We took video and conducted scans using the B-MASS which we will provide to the ground teams shortly.”
“Thank you. I look forward to your full report. But let us speak frankly for a moment, Lance Corporal. What are your thoughts on the installation?” Natori wondered, pressing a couple fingers against his temple as he tried to place himself on the surface. The lack of real time footage had not only been worrying, it had been incredibly disappointing.
“Sorry Admiral, but I’m not sure how much I can give you that you don’t already know,” Mendes apologized. “Whoever built it is certainly no longer around. That or they’re extremely well hidden. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say it’s beyond the technological capability of the locals. We didn’t analyze the alloys of the walls or the skeletal object so I can’t say much on those accounts. It’s almost certainly alien in its construction, and there is something towards the end of the entry corridor that glows red, again as Lieutenant Winters described, sir. I don’t have anything else at this time.”
“Next steps, Lance Corporal?”
Mendes waved the rest of his squad on, indicating that they should proceed back to the camp and begin the relevant data transfers while he continued to speak with Natori. “Well, that depends on how nice you want to be to the current residents, sir,” the Jumper supplied, looking up so that Natori could see the various aquila nests above the entrance.
“We will make all reasonable accommodations.”
“Yes sir. In that case I think the first thing we need to do is get cable inside here, make sure we can communicate with the surface teams and possibly move in some light sources deeper in, far past the little bat-like organisms. I’ll leave what to do with the skeletal formation to the science teams, sir. I can see arguments both for leaving it in place and moving it out of the installation for analysis aboard the ship. I guess if we do that we should check for EMP shielding and other electronics, fry them all if we find them.” Natori hummed approvingly in his earpiece.
“Yes, I suppose a remote attack is a possibility even if the age of the installation is confirmed. Very well, Corporal Mendes. You and your team will have the lead on this operation as far as protection of the science teams is concerned.”
Mendes made to salute before he remembered that Natori would be unable to see the gesture, his chest swelling with pride. “Yes sir, we’d be honored. But what about Lieutenant Winters?”
“Believe it or not, Rodrigo, I believe he’s more than happy to let you and your team have this one. From the sound of it, village life is more suited to him. And believe me when I tell you that I am very sensitive to what occurred between you all and how to proceed moving forward. In spite of the obvious and noble human tendency to divide itself into groups and prove one superior to the other, we are all on the same side when it comes to discovering the truth of this planet and our way home.”
“That sounds a lot more noble than the first bit, sir,” Mendes replied, earning a chuckle from Natori.
“Quite so, Corporal, but that doesn’t not mean I don’t wish to see you and your team succeed both for yourselves and for Beta Division as a whole. For now, please go ahead and rendezvous with the science teams and assist them however you can. I’m sure they will have questions for you. In the meantime, I will make the necessary arrangements for the equipment we will surely need to examine this installation in detail.”
“Yes sir, signing off,” Mendes affirmed before cutting the link and proceeding the short distance to rejoin his squad. Civilian researchers were already poring over the data and recordings that the team had brought back. Natalya was engaged in conversation with an older gentleman regarding the radioactivity signatures from the casing, her helmet off and her long, blonde hair tied up in a neat bun. Lipper and Rex were uploading their scans of the skeleton to the available computers and terminals in the compound, relating what they’d seen and suggesting various conclusions. “Everything good?”
“Took us seven months and change and a bit of a fuck up,” Lipper began.
“A bit?” Rex cut in, looking at his friend accusingly.
“Your nose looks even better than it used to and I can eat again. Sergeant will return with time,” Lipper insisted, looking Mendes dead in the eye. “But yeah, Corporal, it feels like we’re finally getting to do something here.”
“I’m not going to remember all this, but it’s very impressive,” Xan admitted as he, Alice and Anita strolled through one of the industrial growing bays on the Event Horizon. Unlike bay number seven, which was essentially full of pet projects, bay number one was designed to produce as much nutritious biomass per cubic foot of space as possible. Many plants needed no soil at all, growing in clear troughs of water stacked to the ceiling and tended to by mechanical arms and extensions.
“Thank you, I helped design the cultivators,” Anita said quietly, guiding the crippled Cauthan around. “And I wouldn’t worry too much about remembering it. At this point I don’t have to think much about growing either except for maintenance. What we would need from you is instructions on how to care for your various crops. How often you water them, if they need support to grow, direct or indirect sunlight, things of that nature.”
“Yeah, that much I can do,” Xan agreed. “I can ask my parents and some of the other farmers I know. You want to come, Alice?”
“Assuming I’m not tied up with Alyra, I’d be happy to come along and record things.”
“Yeah, I guess Thantis and I have been keeping you busy for a while now. She’s been itching to talk with you about whatever it is she cares about. You see her staring at her reflection in the water trough the other day, experimenting with those glasses? Crazy.”
“Xan, just because you don’t give a darn about how you look doesn’t mean us girls don’t. What’s wrong with wanting to look presentable?”
Xan huffed, not able to come up with a decent reply. A light breeze drifted through the room, strengthening over a few seconds before dissipating. “Alright you have to explain that though. How did you harness the winds all the way out here. Felen isn’t supposed to have any power in Kel’s domain. And where is your water coming from? I’ve never seen it rain in here.”
“Smart cookie, isn’t he?” Alice asked Anita, who seemed a mite confused.
“What are Felen and Kel?” the engineer wondered. Alice did her best to explain the two Cauthan gods in five minutes or less. It was enough for Anita to understand Xan’s question.
“Well, we have mechanical fans that blow air through the ship and these growing areas. Plants that grow without any wind develop weakly in many cases. They need to be stressed in a positive way,” Anita explained.
“Is that right? What’s a ‘mechanical fan’?” Xan replied, butchering the pronunciation of the word mechanical. Anita looked around, but none of her green, floral companions were forthcoming with a decent simplification of electricity or motors.
“I think that would be a bit hard to explain,” she admitted. “Same with the water situation. We have a set amount on board which we reuse and recycle.”
“What she means to say is that we use our waste, convert it to clean water, and use that for the plants,” Alice summarized.
“What? That’s silly. Just take the poop and throw it down, works great. Maybe even mix some in with your water,” Xan suggested, managing to elicit a flush even through Anita’s dark brown skin.
“Xan, you dork,” Alice chastised him as she tried not to giggle too hard. “That’s a great way to get the whole ship infected.”
“Don’t know what that means, but I defer to your crazy human magics,” Xan replied flippantly. “I stopped trying to understand the specifics a while ago, made my head hurt. But we can grow dato and kina up here, right?”
“I believe so,” Anita affirmed. “Alice, didn’t you say you got some soil samples?”
“Yeah, days ago. You didn’t get them?”
“No, I think they’re still with the microbiologists. Growing alien vegetables wasn’t really high priority until forty eight hours ago or so.”
“Well if you need some just come down to the village,” Alice suggested. “They’re real friendly and the food is to die for!”
“Yeah, you should totally come down with us today,” Xan agreed, enthused at the idea of being the one doing the explaining and guiding. “I can take you around and you can ask your questions and grab as much dirt as you want. Not like we’re hoarding it or anything.”
“I think that’s an excellent idea,” Natori’s voice agreed, causing them all to jump. Anita threw her hand over her chest in fright while Alice shook her fist at the ceiling.
“Darn it, Admiral! Don’t you have, you know, a ship to run or something?!”
“My dear Alice, thanks to the efforts of Io, my esteemed bridge crew, and dedicated engineers like Ms. Prakash, I find myself quite bored on a regular basis. I believe this is a preferable state of affairs to your brother or our Jumpers shooting at something, however. Ms. Prakash, I will be happy to arrange for you to head to the surface for a period of time. In return, I believe we could take our intrepid Cauthan here on a little voyage.”
“Look, I don’t want to be rude but I think I know enough about your leader to know he’s not like Antoth. Little voyage sounds bad,” Xan stated. Alice nodded and rested a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m with Xan, Admiral. Details,” Alice demanded.
“Of course! It’s been just about seven months since we left Earth. While I am immensely pleased with the performance of our various waste and water treatment facilities, the fact of the matter is that my morning coffee is beginning to taste like an industrial filter. Given that we have found your brother, made friends with the locals, and established that we will be in the system for a period of time, I believe it would be prudent to top off our reserves of materials and replenish our water stores,” Natori explained, using the display on his captain’s chair to pan through several groups of asteroids flagged by his bridge crew.
“Natori!” Alice had a hand on her hip. “Are you seriously suggesting taking Xan on an asteroid mining mission?”
“Veera and any other Cauthan are welcome to come along as well! They have invited us to partake in their harvest festival, I think it’s only fair we return the favor so long as they keep their claws off the controls.”
“Harvesting asteroids is not a holiday!” Alice insisted.
“No, it involves far too many high powered lasers for that!” Natori agreed, eliciting a light giggle from Anita.
“Why do I bother with him?” Alice demanded of herself. “Fine, Natori. When we head back down today we’ll ask about the mission. I honestly can’t see Antoth agreeing to it even for Xan, but we’ll give it a shot and see if there’s interest. Thanks for giving me an incredibly difficult concept to explain, by the way. What about the teams at the other ground site?”
“Oh, I’ll be sure they have plenty of supplies. We’ll only be gone a day or two and I want to be sure we are back in orbit to commemorate the anniversary of the loss of the Lancer. Do let me know what Antoth says, would you?”
Alice pinched the bridge of her nose, tilting her head back as though she had a nosebleed. While the idea of taking Xan along on a space mining mission was undoubtedly an exciting prospect, especially given the fact that she would not typically be allowed on one either, explaining the concept to Antoth and Ratha was decidedly not. She made a mental note to include Thantis in any such discussion; he was the one Cauthan most likely to end up in her corner. “Yes sir, Natori. Anything else?”
“No no, carry on!” the Admiral encouraged as though he hadn’t been eavesdropping on them. “Miss Prakash, your plants will survive a few hours without you, I’m sure.”
“O-Oh. I mean… thank you, Admiral.”
“Be nice to her,” Alice whispered extremely quietly, relying on Xan’s perky ears to do the rest of the work, even if one of them was rough around the edges. To her relief, he was not a complete blockhead and nodded that he understood.
“Sorry, Alice. If I’m going to head down I should probably change and get a few things,” Anita explained, excusing herself. “It was nice to meet you, Xan. Selah.”
“Selah,” Xan replied as Anita departed. Alice was more than fine finding her way back on her own.
“So, want to keep exploring here?” she asked Xan.
“Nah. I’m sure I’ll be back up when our own crops are growing here,” the Cauthan guessed, stiffening his back and exhaling with something of a grunt.
“How’s the leg? You’ve been walking around a while,” Alice asked sympathetically.
“That obvious?”
“You don’t need to hide it around someone like Anita, you know?”
“I was just practicing,” Xan told her, looking intently at a nearby head of lettuce.
“Ok,” Alice smiled kindly. “Do you want to head back to your room or one of the hangars? I think Asha and the rest will probably be a little while.”
“Floating?” Xan suggested.
“The hangars it is! Let’s see where the nearest one is,” Alice replied pleasantly, calling up a map of the ship and locating an inactive shuttle bay nearby. “This way, my fluffy, crippled friend! Tally ho!”
Xan pulled his scarred face into a grin as he plodded after her with his cane. “You and your brother have to be the worst humans ever to learn your culture from.”
Xan’s newfound ability to take his disability somewhat in stride was encouraging to Alice, recalling to her mind her brother’s desire that she help instead of study. She already had a new idea or three for her doctoral thesis. “Excuse me, we’re obviously the best.”
“Heh, of course. My mistake.”
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2020.07.21 09:10 greedygoyem Islamic Dating??

I have posted this in islam but i thought I will cross post it here to fuel more discussion and address a larger audience.
Assalamu alaikum all, I have been meaning to write this for a while and although i may not be very eloquent in my speech, i will try my best to convey my thoughts and observations. This is a bit of a rant but please hear me out till the end.
One thing i have noticed is that many muslim youth (and this is especially true for the high school/college students) living in the western countries is their struggle with the whole concept of dating and staying away from the Haram relationships.
As a result, one of a few things happen:
  1. They see their religion as an obstruction and a factor for their alienation in what is portrayed to be their 'wildest years'. This forces them to leave their religion and/or carry a resentment for its super strict rulings.
  2. They fear the repercussions from their super conservative parents and thus become depressed and once again, continue to carry resentment for some ruling of their religion.
  3. They are from the select few that Allah has blessed with exceptional levels of patience and don't see a problem waiting out a few years before they can finally have a halal relationship.
HOWEVER, we are always seen boasting that Islam is the best and most practical religion but we know that many of us aren't capable of not indulging in any form of sexual pleasure whether it is through dirty thoughts/videos, self pleasure, haram relationships or a combination of them all.
If that is the case, is our statement really true and/or are we missing something?
According to my (very limited) understanding, this is an issue that can be solved through a brushing up of our understanding between an Islamic marriage and the cultural stigmas that surround it. One thing that many parents and muslims in general misunderstand is that while marriage is a very important step in our lives, it isn't such a holy covenant (for the lack of a better word) that you only get ONE CHANCE at.
Unlike the christians, the muslim marriage does not require a priest/imam to conduct the marriage (although it is recommended). It only requires the 2 witnesses and the concent of both parties. Moreover, if things don't go smoothly, Islamic marriages also have the option of a divorce.
With that being said, the question arises to what can be done about this situation. There are two solutions that i can think of:
  1. The parents find a suitable partner for their son/daughter (obviously with the consent of the son/daughter) or vice versa and perform an 'unofficial marriage' between them BUT with the condition that they will not move in together till they are both ready. In this case, they can both attend their college without a care and continue their halal relationship through occasional hotel meet ups and through the usual dating.
*For their Mahr, they can stipulate any small amount that the son can afford and the daughter agrees with. *If you feel that the man will have an unfair advantage in this unofficial marriage, the man can hand over the right of separation to the women as well so that they both have the option to break it up if things become difficult. *The couple will just avoid having children for now so no extra responsibility/liability remains during their study years.
  1. Since many ultra conservative parents would not entertain such an idea, another way would be to find a suitable partner through halal interactions and conduct the unofficial marriage in the testimony of two friends and with all the above conditions.
This way, they can pursue their studies while being content the HALAL WAY.
I believe that through this method, many youth struggling to stay in within the halal borders will be able to do so without having to hate their religion for something they had to struggle soo much for.
Wallahu Alam.
I thank you all for staying with me till the end. Please add/ correct me in the comments so we can both come to a better understanding of out religion.
Edit: by 'unofficial marriage' it should be understood in the sense that the complete nikah has taken place but the formal ceremony has been delayed till a later date.
submitted by greedygoyem to MuslimLounge [link] [comments]

2020.07.21 09:02 greedygoyem 'Islamic Dating'??

Assalamu alaikum all, I have been meaning to write this for a while and although i may not be very eloquent in my speech, i will try my best to convey my thoughts and observations. This is a bit of a rant but please hear me out till the end.
One thing i have noticed is that many muslim youth (and this is especially true for the high school/college students) living in the western countries is their struggle with the whole concept of dating and staying away from the Haram relationships.
As a result, one of a few things happen:
  1. They see their religion as an obstruction and a factor for their alienation in what is portrayed to be their 'wildest years'. This forces them to leave their religion and/or carry a resentment for its super strict rulings.
  2. They fear the repercussions from their super conservative parents and thus become depressed and once again, continue to carry resentment for some ruling of their religion.
  3. They are from the select few that Allah has blessed with exceptional levels of patience and don't see a problem waiting out a few years before they can finally have a halal relationship.
HOWEVER, we are always seen boasting that Islam is the best and most practical religion but we know that many of us aren't capable of not indulging in any form of sexual pleasure whether it is through dirty thoughts/videos, self pleasure, haram relationships or a combination of them all.
If that is the case, is our statement really true and/or are we missing something?
According to my (very limited) understanding, this is an issue that can be solved through a brushing up of our understanding between an Islamic marriage and the cultural stigmas that surround it. One thing that many parents and muslims in general misunderstand is that while marriage is a very important step in our lives, it isn't such a holy covenant (for the lack of a better word) that you only get ONE CHANCE at.
Unlike the christians, the muslim marriage does not require a priest/imam to conduct the marriage (although it is recommended). It only requires the 2 witnesses and the concent of both parties. Moreover, if things don't go smoothly, Islamic marriages also have the option of a divorce.
With that being said, the question arises to what can be done about this situation. There are two solutions that i can think of:
  1. The parents find a suitable partner for their son/daughter (obviously with the consent of the son/daughter) or vice versa and perform an 'unofficial marriage' between them BUT with the condition that they will not move in together till they are both ready. In this case, they can both attend their college without a care and continue their halal relationship through occasional hotel meet ups and through the usual dating.
*For their Mahr, they can stipulate any small amount that the son can afford and the daughter agrees with. *If you feel that the man will have an unfair advantage in this unofficial marriage, the man can hand over the right of separation to the women as well so that they both have the option to break it up if things become difficult. *The couple will just avoid having children for now so no extra responsibility/liability remains during their study years.
  1. Since many ultra conservative parents would not entertain such an idea, another way would be to find a suitable partner through halal interactions and conduct the unofficial marriage in the testimony of two friends and with all the above conditions.
This way, they can pursue their studies while being content the HALAL WAY.
I believe that through this method, many youth struggling to stay in within the halal borders will be able to do so without having to hate their religion for something they had to struggle soo much for.
Wallahu Alam.
I thank you all for staying with me till the end. Please add/ correct me in the comments so we can both come to a better understanding of out religion.
submitted by greedygoyem to islam [link] [comments]

2020.07.11 18:54 ThrowRAforObvReasons Is this normal?

I [20M] have been in a relationship with my SO [20F] for 14 months. Im sorry for the length of the post, check the TLDR please but I assure you its a quick read (Im on mobile so I opted for short paragraphs).
We met in college. We are Junior Electrical Engineering majors. I am white and she is Muslim. This means that we dont have the liberties that many other relationships do as I have not met her parents and we have to sneak around some. If its not during the school year, seeing each other in person is few and far between (every couple of weeks), but we facetime everyday.
I want to preface this by saying I really love this girl. She is amazing. She is super intelligent, mature, and funny.
When our relationship started, I wasnt immediately sexually attracted to her, but I couldnt get over her amazing personality.
We decided to start dating, and I dont know if that was a great idea because it took a lot of convincing from me and we both have issues (anxiety, self-worth, etc). Someone gave me really good advice one time and said that you should only go into a relationship if you both have your mental shit figured out. We dont but actually we have grown a lot together and say that we are each other's teammates.
I feel a certain amount of responsibility for her as I introduced her to smoking weed, and now she does it often to deal with her serious anxiety. I also feel like im her only close friend she talks to everyday (and she is mine too).
We talk about marriage and whatnot and having kids one day, and I can tell that she is deeply in love with me, but not immune to my shortcomings (mainly that im a dumbass 20M who drops the ball sometimes). She is really strong and doesnt take shit, but I think she sees me as someone she wouldnt give up on ever. Ive helped her alot too in showing her how a man should treat her since we got together right after she was sexually assaulted by an ex. She trusts me, which is incredible considering all she's been through.
We have been best friends for 2 years, and I kind of want to take a step back and go back to being friends at the moment. I dont feel the same motivation to act how she deserves, and I just mean that I think of her as a friend and less as a romantic partner now.
In every relationship, the two are not equals. Rather they adapt to each other's way of being. I am tired of hers. Im tired of having to adapt and plan out all of my responses perfectly to her insecurities. I have issues too, and I feel like I ran myself on empty helping her and trying to keep myself afloat too. Strangely, I think it was also only possible because we were "teammates" for each other. So I really dont know what to do or how to feel. Im tired of her bringing up insecurities or hypotheticals or even real situations, and me not having the right answer for her.
I want to be clear about that if I tell her and make that decision. However, part of me feels like this is a temporary feeling and I do want to stay with her and do everything for her (I already do quite a lot since she is so confined by her religious conservative family).
I think it mainly comes from the fact that we dont have sex. She has abandoned any notion of haram except for 1. premarital sex 2. eating pork. She smokes. she has drank once or twice. We have oral sex. But those two are where she draws the line. I have discussed vaginal or anal intercourse multiple times and it is strictly off the table. Im ok with that and I will never pressure her to do anything. She has had such a hard life and deserves someone to treat her like the absolute treasure she is.
Look, Im not going to sugarcoat it. I think im the biggest asshole on the planet because I feel a little bored with our relationship. I want to talk to other women and engage physically outside of our relationship. I also feel bad because she put in the work into our relationship (just as I did), and her reward is getting to see me, a man she loves and is dedicated to, leave and mess with other women. I will do not anything unless I tell her we are done romantically. I just dont know what the right thing to do is, and I wont do anything until im sure I do right by her.
What should I do??? Maybe if I wait longer, my feelings will change and revert back to how I felt in the beginning?
The only reason I dont want to tell her how I feel is because I think its so terribly cold. How could I look at her and say "I know we have been the foundation for each other for the past 2 years, but Im bored, and I think we should be friends, and want to see other people."
Or how do I even talk to her about my feelings?? Do I say "Im bored and tired of being your teammate" No!!!??? so what am I to do? How do I frame my feelings positively????
Any advice is appreciated, and thank you for listening to my rant.
TLDR: My SO, who I am her everything and she is mine for 2 years, I have lost feelings for her at the moment. How do I approach this? How should I feel? What do I do?
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2020.07.10 21:52 Round-Refrigerator-4 Hopeless Tragedy

Assalamoalaykum brothers and sisters,
I am starting my journey today. I have tried so many things but nothing seems to be working for me, I was 6 days clean until today and I relapsed.
I don’t know what else to do, I pray 5 times daily along with Tahajjud namaaz, I read Qu’ran daily, I even went on a 5.5km walk today. And yet still, nothing helped. I don’t watch porn ever, and I only started the secret habit literally 2 days before this ramadan. It has now been over 4 months and I can’t stop.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I am really desperate, I know this is haram, i tell myself this is haram as i commit sin and cannot express how much i hate myself for it. But even thats not enough, i will do it again. Please help, im trying to quit once and for all, to never do it again!
One thing I haven’t tried is having a partner to do it with. If anyone please is interested, please help me out. Allah SWT will reward you inshAllah.
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2020.07.04 07:28 thyndaga A doubt I'm struggling with...

So like slavery was a thing back then and the Prophet married a child which was acceptable back then but now slavery has been abolished and child marriages made illegal so it makes sense for us believers to abstain from it right?
But by that logic shouldn't we be able to do things that are normalised in society today but against Islam?... like not wearing hijab especially in western countries because you don't stand out if you're dressed like everyone else infact it prevents you from being subjected to bullying and abusive behaviour from Islamophobia... but back then youd stick out like a sore thumb if you didnt stick to the dresscode and even like havinng premarital relationships because of the development of more effective birth control methods(which didnt exist back then and could've lead to problematic scenarios with unwanted pregnancies and such)... moreover young people today could focus on having better careers and self development until they are ready to get settled and raise a family and provide for it... without having to deal with the whole thirsting for a partner and the loneliness (which can be debilitating for some) and the pressure of marriage from families
I don't mean to offend.. this is just a genuine question I'm struggling with.. and before any one comes at me saying that i just want to justify doing haram stuff ... yea no.. I mean I dont do hijab but I dress modestly and with the partying and illegitimate relations alhamdulillah I have great self control... that lifestyle doesnt attract me whatsoever. What I'm lacking is Iman not self control soo...
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2020.06.26 05:10 createdthisthroawa Just some things I've learnt on this search

This is a post on my personal thoughts regarding the whole marriage seeking process and it may be the most pointless thing you read but if it helps then I'm glad.
Before I begin, I just want to say that this is the perspective of one guy from a country in the West, your perspective may be different based on your own context, culture, experiences etc. For any scenarios/generalisations I may mention I of course understand that others have different outcomes to similar stories and there are exceptions etc.
I feel like this is one the most draining and long processes I've ever had to go through in my life. The marriage process is really a test of who you are as a person and on this journey, if you reflect, you should learn a lot about yourself but a lot of it you may not like.
So with that, here's some stuff I've learnt from my own experiences over the past 4 years and from talking to others about theirs.
Your standards are probably out of whack
When you're young it's easy to get bogged down with other people's ideas of what you should look for in a spouse. Your parents will tell you one thing, your (single) friends will tell you another. You'll look around at social media, TV, other people's relationships and develop your own ideas based on what you see.
It's important to remember however that your relationship does not need to look like anyone else's. Your cousin marrying a doctor doesn't mean you need to marry a dentist. This isn't a competition and don't let anyone fool you into believing that it is. A spouse is not a trophy to show off.
Something else I've come across and perhaps am guilty of too is that sometimes our standards are just far too high. What we're looking for may not even exist. That checklist you have at 22/23 is probably rubbish. Trust me, a lot of those things don't matter. Humanise the other person. Look at them with as much benefit of the doubt you give yourself. You're not perfect. Accept people's flaws as we all have them (disclaimer: does not include major sins/abuse). Humble yourself.
Looks aren't everything
This is related to the point above but lower your gaze guys and girls. I've spoken to brothers AND sisters and they admit that Instagram has influenced their perception of beauty.
We have to understand that Instagram is a highlight reel. No one posts their worst pictures on there. With makeup and countless filters available people are really able to edit how they look, even guys know about face tuning. Believe me, I've seen some of these people in real life and they usually do not match up to their pictures. It's almost like looking at a different person.
So yeah, lower your gaze everywhere you are and that includes online. Stop following that model, that athlete or that guy from your school if you know it messes with your desires. Don't be fooled by the fake.
As an uncle said to me "when you're married and you go through the hardships of life, you won't care if she's fat, thin, blue or brown, you'll just care that she's around".
I asked this girl who was taller than me, she was about 5'11, if she didn't want to marry a taller man and she said "a man's height won't raise my kids, his height won't stand by me when I'm struggling and his height won't mean he understands me".
The search reveals a lot about you
Firstly, it will show you if you truly value the things you say you do in a spouse. Some people find exactly what they wanted on that magic checklist and yet still run away. That's the first realisation that what they thought was important maybe isn't so.
The way in which you go about the search and the choices between haram and halal you make on the way will be a test of your character, will you be able to hold onto those same morals you want in your spouse?
It will test your relationship with your parents, you might even see them in a new light. It will test how you behave when you face rejection. How much patience you really have with others.
You may even face up to childhood trauma, admitting things about yourself that you previously ignored. For many people, the search has been a period of self-discovery and the first step towards them seeking therapy. When you start considering a future with another person you really do analyse who you are. Some people find major flaws along the way they realise they need to work on.
People are not disposable
Social media and apps where a new person is just one swipe away gives us this false impression that there's an unlimited pool of potential partners out there. There's not.
Treat people well, do not play them around, don't lead them on when there's no interest there. People are not there to boost your ego.
Treating people well includes NOT GHOSTING them. I cannot state how much I hate ghosting, especially when the other person has been the one to initiate and show interest, push to meet you etc and then suddenly flakes out on you. Found another person? Good for you, but let the person you're talking to know this isn't going anywhere. Do not be a coward. People have feelings.
People are not replaceable
People aren't replaceable, not really. Rarely will you find what you had in one person in another. The next person you meet will likely have something the previous one didn't and vice versa.
If you find that you connect with someone like you've never done before, don't fool yourself into thinking that kind of connection can be made again with other people. You'll likely be looking for a long time. If you have a valid reason to walk away then cool. But otherwise trust me, you will regret breaking something off for a stupid reason because you prioritised the wrong things at the time. If there's one thing the search has taught me, you can speak to a better looking person, a wealthier person, but if they can't match the connection you previously had, a part of you will always miss it. Do not give up on something good so easily because of your parents' rigid expectations or because he/she was too short or their sibling's don't have good jobs (yes this happens).
Shout out to the parents though, they may not show it but a lot of them do struggle to navigate this process that is very different to how it was in their day. Insha'Allah if you have a good relationship with them you guys can talk and learn from mistakes you think either party has made during this process.
Chill out
That's it, just chill out. It'll happen when it happens.
Generally the people I know who are married had a really easy and smooth process with their spouse after having some really difficult times with previous potentials.
Remember Allah in all that you do
Seek His help. Purify your intentions. Make lots of dua. Trust in Him when things go well and when they go bad.
It may be that Allah is protecting you from them, or even protecting them from you.
This may be controversial in 2020 but avoid haram relationships. Generally a lot of good does not come from them. Someone tweeted the other day (in an attempt to justify it) that their haram relationship got them a wedding ring, someone replied and said "someone else's haram relationship got them an STD".
Just like haram income may buy me a big house and fancy car, it doesn't mean there will be a lot of barakah in those things right? And if a haram relationship did end in marriage then thank Allah it was possible and only by His grace and mercy you didn't have to face any negative consequences from a haram relationship as so many do.
So again, purify your intentions. Really ask yourself if your dating life is pleasing Allah or not. Is sitting in that car alone halal even if your intentions aren't bad? It's a slippery slope and most who end up in zina don't recall how they went from 0-zina.
Finally, have a good reason for wanting to get married. It's kind of a big deal.
There's a lot more to be said but this post is long enough already.
submitted by createdthisthroawa to MuslimMarriage [link] [comments]

2020.06.22 20:08 Mega_whale Rishta log part 2 - 29M

Hi again, thanks for all the support and funny comments keep them coming lol. As you guys asked so nicely I will carry on the posts.
For those of you who have seen this and want to start from the beginning here’s the link;
Without further adieu I will just jump straight in:
Rishta 3: The one that got away, well kind of... So I remember when my mum showed me the picture of the girl and asked if we should go meet her. I remember looking at the picture and thinking she wasn’t really my type, she had a lot of things going for her but she just wasn’t very attractive TO ME, but I will NEVER say she was unattractive, I am acutely aware that everyone has different looks they find attractive and tbh I ain’t no Bollywood hero myself lol. My mum was sold on her family background because she was recommended this Rishta by a Rishta Aunty that we knew through extended circles (as everyone is probably aware these matchmaking aunties are a special breed, if only they knew English, Alan Sugar wouldn’t find better salespeople.... and this one was known to us though family and friends so her recommendations were as good as gold apparently). I obviously did speak my mind and told my mum that I didn’t think she was my type but that I was willing to give everyone a chance (a philosophy I do firmly believe in, even though it gets me into trouble) as you never know personality wins people over. All my mum heard was that I was being negative and she exploded in a tyrannical rant like if I had just insulted her own daughter (where was this sort of defence for her own children lol). Well after the outburst was calmed and the civilised discussion had taken place it was decided we would go a meet these people.
The day of the meeting I rock up to their house with my entourage of my mum, sister and brother in law (thank Allah we didn’t bring anyone else along there were talks of taking my little sister too, which I had successfully managed to quell). Now it was apparent they were a quite well off family, because they lived in a nice part of town and had a posh looking house with a Range Rover or two parked outside. My family, I would say are a typical middle/ working class family, we aren’t rich but we aren’t poor, alhumdulillah I am grateful for all that Allah has given us and have never really understood this modern day trend of keeping up with the Kardashians. However, I soon learnt how entrenched this is in the psyches of desi mums (or maybe just my mum). My mum instantly freaked out when she saw their house and cars and went in to a mild panic. She made us park the car away from their house in case they saw our little red Peugeot (and I suppose in her mind incase they decided to spit on us for being so poor lol), my mum then targeted her panic at me and started to say some pretty terrible things about why we didn’t live in this part of town? Or why we didn’t drive fancy cars? Or why I didn’t make more money? (Tbh I have long forgiven my mum and we should all just brush off these things as our parents are our parents at the end of the day, but saying that as you can imagine I wasn’t so graceful then and there) I had gotten quite freaked out by my mums behaviour and was getting emotional because of the things she was saying, and was thinking we should just leave. I was grateful for my sister and bother in law being there this time because they handled my mum and calmed her down. After that I took some time to calm down and reassure my self that I did infact have a good career, made a decent wage (alhumdulillah!), lived in a nice house and that all the other trimmings of life come in time and by the will of Allah. So now that the self-confidence was back somewhat and the family crisis was averted we made our way to their front door a full 40 minutes after parking (gosh the dramas of a desi family).
So once inside we were seated in the sitting room by the mum and the dad was already in there reading a newspaper. We greeted everyone and the girls sister and girls brother in law joined us. There was the typical exchanges of information, but unfortunately my mind was still scarred from earlier and I was a little quiet than usual, thankfully my sister and brother in law carried the conversation with the family. I couldn’t stop cringing when the dad was mentioning his import /export business and the bother In law telling us about his investment banking career. They weren’t rude or being pompous (well maybe the brother in law was a bit), it was what they did and they were just explaining. They were appreciative of my career choice of working in healthcare and said this showed good character which perked me up a bit! Tbh the mum and dad seemed quite nice, typical desi parents Karachi style. The dad was a little disinterested and let the women do the talking, the mum was polite and brought us tea and biscuits, the sister and brother in law were explaining about the family.
After about 30 minutes the girl finally comes down stairs and greets everyone nicely. She was wearing something not too fancy but still something that you wouldn’t typically just wear at home (we appreciated this as it showed some effort and thought). I think the only way I can describe how it all went after that is.... it was nice. It was nice but that’s it. I mean I won’t lie I was still in shock from what had happened earlier but it was dulled down by the mundane niceties and conversation. After meeting the girl I knew she still was not my type, but the parents thought it best we meet by ourselves and I wanted to give her another chance because I knew I wasn’t in my right mind and she didn’t have a chance to speak too much. There was a time when she was coming alive but she was ushered to the kitchen quickly and probably told to hush down (I’m guessing because she was more hushed after that).
So a couple of weeks passed and we had exchanged some very tame messages asking how each other’s days had gone. I finally set the date to meet at Costa coffee in a local shopping centre. I had a work meeting that day so I was going to be dressed decently so I thought it was the best day, my mum caught on quick and decided to give me some unneeded advice lol (she wasn’t crazy like last time thank Allah! She just wanted everything to go well and was like; make sure you take chewing gum so your breath doesn’t stink! Make sure you comb your hair after work to look presentable! Don’t say anything silly! Make sure you buy the coffee! I appreciate her concern but come on mum I’ve seen my share of Rom-coms (I know haram lol!) to know what to do lol!) So after work I show up at Costa with my hair combed and breath in check and waited for her to show up.
When she arrived I bought coffees and offered her cake. She took the coffee and said she was happy I bought it for her as previous meetings the men/boys have asked her to buy her own (now I’m modern but also traditional and still believe in “outdated” concepts such as chivalry, but I also don’t understand who asks their guests to pay for their own food!?). So the conversation starts and it becomes apparent that although we are both polite and have some commonality we aren’t exactly the right match (well at least to me anyway). She brought up healthy eating at least 4 times during our 60 minute meeting which I found quite odd, I had to reiterate to her that I did eat healthy and did go to the gym but enjoyed treats of junk food (pizza - My weakness!) every now and then. Although she agreed and said she was the same we came back to this topic again and again. She also loved her job (which tbh was one of the most boring things I’ve ever heard she worked in finance and did something with numbers and spreadsheets and she loved it!), she told me that her job drained her and that I shouldn’t expect anything from her once she got back from work (well ok then.... so I’m gonna get a roomy... too bad I was looking for a partner). She wanted to know if my family were gonna stop her from working and I assured her that we wouldn’t but it would be her choice if she wants to work or not. I explained to her my personal position and explained our living arrangements and finances (I wouldn’t normally go into this kind of detail on the first meeting, but I got the sense she liked me and I wanted to be clear with her that we weren’t as rich as them), she was very graceful to my surprise but a little sheltered in her life experience... she enquired why we couldn’t just live somewhere else if we got married (for all those who are wondering I made it clear to her that we would live with my family and obviously move out eventually as we would need the space if we had kids, but my sitch is that my family rely on me and I cannot abandon them, this is made clear to all incase it’s not cool with them - this girl said she expected this with all rishtas and didn’t mind at all).
She wanted to know why we couldn’t just move somewhere else to which I asked her where she would move and she named a few posh places... to which I asked her how much she thought the house prices around there were... she hadn’t a clue and guessed some pretty bargain basement prices (bless her!). I asked if she paid for anything in her house and she said she only paid for her own Mobil phone contract, she was at a mid level career position so earned a decent amount but didn’t have any responsibilities... we came from different worlds! She explained she had another Rishta that went on for a few months but didn’t work out and that she was disheartened from it and I had decided by this point I didn’t think this was worth pursuing any further and it would be a disservice to her if it did. The conversation did carry on for a bit and I tried to find some similarities; do you like politics? No she said. Do you like science? No. Do you like reading? Depends on what it is she said (turns out she likes reading about astronomy and finance - but she couldn’t tell me much about what she read)... she didn’t like watching TV, she didn’t watch movies, She wasn’t religious but she did pray her Salah, she didn’t cook, she didn’t go out much, she didn’t do any arts or crafts.... she was dry as a bone! But she made it clear that she lived to clean up her room and that is what she did without fail every weekend!
So after a week she text me to say that she didn’t hear back from me... and I had to cut the cord. This was the first time I was doing it myself and not through a third party so the tension was high. I kept thinking if I was doing the right thing or if I was being unfair to her. I thought what if she says something terrible back... all these scenarios were playing in my head. But eventually I got the courage and text her back wishing her luck on her journey and told her what a lovely person she was but that I didn’t feel it was going to work out.... after what seemed like forever she finally text back saying a similar thing and wished me well as well. My mum was disappointed but not overly so and went on trying to find more rishtas (which I will post about soon).
The funny thing was that after like 6 months another Rishta Aunty recommended this Rishta again to us and my mum told her to story. The Rishta Aunty apparently still approached them and told them what we said (because GDPR doesn’t apply to this desi force of nature!) they girl and her mother came to the Rishta Aunty saying they really liked me and wanted to try again because I rejected them (which was true).... I found that weird lol but flattering! But what’s the point of pursuing something you know won’t work out for you?
Sorry for the long post will post more soon, if you guys want shorter posts let me know and I won’t go into so much detail.
submitted by Mega_whale to MuslimMarriage [link] [comments]

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